Archives for March 2008
This week’s movie is Strange Days, the near-future sci-fi flick from 1995. When it came out it polarized audiences, meaning that I loved it and everyone else in the world thought it was awful. In my defense, I was still so young that I had to be driven to the theatre. And also, I just thought it was awesome, okay? I’ll never forget the first time I saw it. WITH MY GRANDMOTHER HAHAHAHAHAHAH oh god. Sorry, Grandma. I didn’t know. (She liked Ralph Fiennes, I liked the trailer, we thought… Read more »
Il Fantasma. Long and winding road blah blah blah blah blah this thing is nearly eight minutes long, and that’s because of the editing I gave the ratsex. I’m not sorry. Part One: here. Part Two: here. Part Three: here.… Read more »
That’s right; while other people were holding vigil for religious things, I was worshipping at the altar of Cinema. And of Windows Movie Maker, which, let’s face it, is only slightly more useful than a stick when it comes to editing. By now, everyone knows about Il Fantasma. Part One of the review is here. Part Two? Right here.… Read more »
Okay. Abridged Classics: Il Fantasma dell’opera. Part One. Just remember, this hurts me a lot more than it hurts you. Until the rat sex. Then it probably hurts you more. (My soul is already dead, so it can’t be hurt again.)… Read more »
Of the many horrible things one deals with while watching this movie, you’d think that a terrible script, lack of acting, and lack of general coherence are some of your biggest hurdles. Sadly, you would be wrong. Asia Argento is a very special young lady (who, at 18, let her father cast her in a movie that required full nudity and included non-consensual sex, which, have some therapy, maybe!). You know what else she is? The world’s WORST LIP-SYNCHER. The middle portion (she’s in the blue suit) might be half-a-second… Read more »
So we know that the Fantasm de Nastypants is amazingly bad in terms of special effects, convincing screaming, and poolfights. You know what else is awful about this movie? The script. These lines are not dubbed, so it’s not even like they’re lame because the dubbers had to match lip movements. They’re lame because someone seriously wrote down “the river of time and space” and someone else approved it and then someone else SAID IT. ON PURPOSE.… Read more »

Recent Work

TV Recaps: Elementary, Season 5

TV Recaps: Victoria, Season 1

TV Recaps: Reign, Season 4

TV Recap: Bates Motel, "Hidden"

Fiction: "Everyone from Themis Sends Letters Home", Clarkesworld

Film: How many movies about grief this year? All of them,

Book Review: HIGH NOON: The Hollywood Blacklist and the Making of an American Classic,

Book Review: How to Read a Dress,

Nonfiction: A Doom of One's Own, Clarkesworld

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On The Blog

  • 03/29/2017 — Beauty and the BeastWell, the live-action Disney Beauty and the Beast remake has come out! And it turns out, I must have been waiting my whole life for this day, because all of March was basically me being unable to shut up about…Read more »
  • 03/15/2017 — What I Wrote: The Year So Far EditionMy first real blog post of the year, and it’s already spring! You can tell from the ice-crusted snow outside. (Weather notwithstanding, I honestly can’t believe it’s mid-March already; it’s been a…well, it’s been a year.) Here’s some of the…Read more »
  • 02/27/2017 — Red Carpet Rundown: The Oscars 2017If you are here, reading this, you know that the red carpet is a bizarre, self-sustaining piece of performance art. In case you’d like a reminder of that before we get started, here’s Taraji P. Henson casually greeting former costar…Read more »