Archives for March 2008
This week’s movie is Strange Days, the near-future sci-fi flick from 1995. When it came out it polarized audiences, meaning that I loved it and everyone else in the world thought it was awful. In my defense, I was still so young that I had to be driven to the theatre. And also, I just thought it was awesome, okay? I’ll never forget the first time I saw it. WITH MY GRANDMOTHER HAHAHAHAHAHAH oh god. Sorry, Grandma. I didn’t know. (She liked Ralph Fiennes, I liked the trailer, we thought… Read more »
Il Fantasma. Long and winding road blah blah blah blah blah this thing is nearly eight minutes long, and that’s because of the editing I gave the ratsex. I’m not sorry. Part One: here. Part Two: here. Part Three: here.… Read more »
That’s right; while other people were holding vigil for religious things, I was worshipping at the altar of Cinema. And of Windows Movie Maker, which, let’s face it, is only slightly more useful than a stick when it comes to editing. By now, everyone knows about Il Fantasma. Part One of the review is here. Part Two? Right here.… Read more »
Okay. Abridged Classics: Il Fantasma dell’opera. Part One. Just remember, this hurts me a lot more than it hurts you. Until the rat sex. Then it probably hurts you more. (My soul is already dead, so it can’t be hurt again.)… Read more »
Of the many horrible things one deals with while watching this movie, you’d think that a terrible script, lack of acting, and lack of general coherence are some of your biggest hurdles. Sadly, you would be wrong. Asia Argento is a very special young lady (who, at 18, let her father cast her in a movie that required full nudity and included non-consensual sex, which, have some therapy, maybe!). You know what else she is? The world’s WORST LIP-SYNCHER. The middle portion (she’s in the blue suit) might be half-a-second… Read more »
So we know that the Fantasm de Nastypants is amazingly bad in terms of special effects, convincing screaming, and poolfights. You know what else is awful about this movie? The script. These lines are not dubbed, so it’s not even like they’re lame because the dubbers had to match lip movements. They’re lame because someone seriously wrote down “the river of time and space” and someone else approved it and then someone else SAID IT. ON PURPOSE.… Read more »

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