So coming up on Questionable Taste Theatre is a random spate of period dramas. I’m a costume whore, what can I say?

We begin Ye Olde Monthe with the 14th century mystery The Reckoning. (The link goes to the trailer, which is worth seeing.)

Nutshell: Disgraced priest Paul Bettany falls in with a group of traveling actors, led by the MOST SINEWY PERSON IN THE WORLD, Willem Dafoe. When they hit a town that’s less interested in morality plays than in convicting the local deaf woman for the murder of a young boy, the troupe ends up caught up in history’s first-ever episode of Law & Order: Swyved Victimmes Unit. Which I spoil, so, you know, spoilers.

“She couldn’t have done it! SHE COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT!”

Can’t fault the cast: Paul Bettany as a guilty-ridden priest driven to find out the truth behind this murder; Willem Dafoe as the leader of the actors and THE WORLD’S MOST SINEWY MAN; Vincent Cassel as a charismatic creep (so, uh, as himself?); and Brian Cox as The Devil. No, seriously.

You know he still keeps this outfit at home.

So the acting troupe rolls into town to deliver one of their morality plays; their morality plays go over about as well as everyone’s third-grade pageant about the seasons – plenty of people come, but dammit, nobody cares.

However, the town is already transfixed by the scandalous murder of a young boy – by all appearances at the hands of the village crazy, a deaf (mute? Gah, don’t remember!) woman who has only a female member to speak for her, so, DOOMED.

The only people who don’t think she did it? Paul and Willem.

This picture is the physical embodiment of the phrase, “Girl, please.”

Willem actually visits her in prison, and comes out 145% certain she didn’t do it. Paul agrees, and eventually ends up exhuming the body and finding out that the kid was basically beaten to death in the middle of a Ye Olde Molestationne. Nice.

Of course, public sentiment is totally against her, so their protests go totally unheeded. So what does this resourceful troupe of actors do?

They restage the crime as her accusers have laid it out, and basically prove to the ENTIRE VILLAGE that they are a bunch of boneheads. It’s pretty fucking awesome.

Of course, there’s still the matter of who DID do it, and they end up in a tussle with the King’s detectives, which makes it even MORE of a Swyved Victimmes Unit episode.

What makes it even MORE MORE like a Swyved Victimmes Unit? The denoument.

“Uh, I’m pretty sure this Bishop raped himself some little boys.”

“Quoi? Moi?”

“Um, YEAH.”

“Sacre bleu. Busted.”

There is a huge faceoff in the Bishop’s chapel, where the acting troupe sees him for the second time in the whole movie, he gives them a HUGE SPEECH about good and evil, twirls his invisible moustache, ties some women to the train tracks, raises mortgage rates, animates the hostile dead, breaks some Ming vases, and kills a kitten.

Then he and Paul Bettany have a knife fight. The End! No, really, that’s the end. Boys, boys, crazy boys – be cooooool, boys!

Things this movie does wrong: well, it’s nice to meet the villain more then FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE YOU KILL HIM. Just saying.

What it does right: Dude, a ton! It’s beautifully filmed, and the tone of the sinister unknown is really effective, though you might want to watch this movie when you have a nice attention span, because there’s long, nicely-composed shots of people just, you know, walking around or staring pensively, or, in the case of Willem Dafoe, taking off his shirt to reveal THE WORLD’S MOST SINEWY CHEST. It’s disturbing, people, I’m not going to lie to you.

It’s also really accurate. Everyone’s dirty and freezing, food is scarce and kind of gross, and poor people are just wrapped in a sheet and dumped in the ground. Well done! Very accurate and evocative! THANK GOD I LIVE IN AN AGE WITH PLUMBING. Ahem.

Check out these costumes:

(Or visit the big picture. Literally.)

Even her ponytail holder is a strip of knitted wool [mumblemumble] fastened together! If it weren’t for the weird magenta lipstick, we’d be in good shape historically!

This movie is pretty overlooked, but recommended if you can handle a lazy pace and a mystery that’s more about atmosphere than about sussing out who the killer is, because YOU NEVER EVEN MEET HIM UNTIL THE END.

Just saying.

(Pictures courtesy of: Moviees and PaulBettany.net