Feeling steampunky today? No? How about alternate-history…y? Failed-Hollywood-marriagey?

Well, are you in luck, because today, Questionable Taste Theatre tackles Time After Time, a time-travel romance that is probably incredibly cheesy, but is too busy being gleeful and nerdy to care. Just how I like my movies!

Nutshell: H.G. Wells, nerdy inventor, finds out his best friend is Jack the Ripper, and has used Wells’ time machine to escape into the future. You know what that means. It means it’s time for a poem:

Roses are red
Time machines are blue
I’m going to vanquish
The shit out of you.

“What have I done? I’ve turned that bloody maniac loose upon Utopia!”

So, here’s H. G. Wells in his pet time machine, which is steampunky in a way that only 1979 can deliver, namely: it sports random filigree and then huge glowing multicolored plastic disco-floor buttons on the side that serve no real purpose.

And later, we get a glimpse of what looks like PVC siding.

Luckily, no one cares about the machine, because they’re all too busy marveling that Malcolm McDowell is the HERO of this movie and not the unsettling, horrifying black hole of evil he usually plays! This time, the black hole of evil is played by David Warner, which…I buy it.

Jack uses HG’s machine to zip into San Francisco in 1979, because – San Francisco gave the crew tax breaks to film there, I’m assuming. HG, no dummy, quickly maps out his friend’s trajectory and follows, determined to bring his ex-friend to justice. With only Amy the bank employee (future ex-wife Mary Steenburgen) to help him, they have to find Jack before he kills again! Except that he kills something like four women during that week, so, good job with the crime-fighting, guys.

Anyway, they banter, she doesn’t believe he’s from the past, then she does, then there’s a million confrontations between HG and Jack during which Jack always escapes, presumably while HG is coming up with non-fist-raising ideas. The point is, it’s ADORKABLE. Check out some quotes!

Amy Robbins: I like that suit. Is that what they’re wearing in London?
H.G. Wells: It was when I left. (Funny!)

H.G. Wells: The first man to raise a fist is the man who’s run out of ideas. (Noble!)

Jack the Ripper: Ninety years ago I was a freak. Today I’m an amateur. (Factual!)

H.G. Wells: Every age is the same. It’s only love that makes any of them bearable. (…awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. *gags*)

Also something you should check out? McDowell’s ‘stache.

Why won’t you look at me? Do I have something on my face? You can tell me.

Naturally, Amy gets caught in the middle, and after several picturesque action scenes through San Francisco landmarks (a footrace across the Presidio, a boat trip to Alcatraz, biking frantically across the Golden Gate Bridge, etc.) everybody faces off in an old-fashioned hostage situation in the middle of the history museum. History is dangerous, kids!

Notice that in that picture it looks like Warner has snuck in from a film noir to give Steenburgen advice on how to elongate her profile in a turtleneck. Dear prop and wardrobe departments, either get a bigger knife or a v-neck next time, okay?

Of course, Jack the Ripper is vanquished in the disco-punk time machine, after which HG and Amy pile into the machine for a trip back to a time with no indoor plumbing. Such is the power of love! Dream big, Amy!

Basically, this movie is nerd heaven. And San Francisco-lovers heaven. And Malcolm McDowell heaven. Nothing with David Warner is ever heaven, so that’s out; if you love David Warner, go watch MST3K’s Quest of the Delta Knights and wash that love right out of your hair!

Last thing to check out, and then I swear we’re done: this trailer is one of those awesome 70s trailers that gives away the plot of the movie and provides random editorial commentary.

I adore this movie. If you are a nerd, then so should you!