Well, with Middleman out of the picture for the foreseeable future, I was in need of a TV show. Luckily, Rufus Sewell heard my cries, and answered me with Eleventh Hour, premiering sometime in the near future on CBS. (My TiVo knows when it is. I don’t need to!)

Zip-up of Doom on The Sewell up there. That zip-up has dedicated its life to science.

What’s good about Eleventh Hour? Rufus Sewell can be a really good actor.

What’s bad about Eleventh Hour? EVERYTHING ELSE. It’s an unnecessary remake of a British series; they make Rufus Sewell use an American accent; his bodyguard is a 12-year-old supermodel; he HAS a bodyguard to begin with. Dude’s an investigator, not the Prime Minister. The dialogue includes this exchange:

Her: “What sort of situation is this?”
Him: [eight-minute pause] “A delicate one.”

…you guys, this is going to be GREAT.

Observe below, a preview carefully crafted to show as little of the actual show as possible. There’s probably a reason for this, you guys! I could not be looking forward to this show with any more glee, unless Julian Sands was also in it.

Below THAT, the longer preview that gives you a razor-sharp look at just how much this show is going to suck. The man EXPLAINS DNA. I mean, I guess that’s nice, if you’ve never seen an episode of Law and Order. Or The X-Files. Or CSI. Or lawyer shows. Or sitcoms. Or Hallmark commercials. So, you know, useful!

“………………….a delicate one.”

Below: You guys, DNA IS LIKE A PERSONAL BARCODE.

My little pony, the season’s over already!

Wendy’s hiding from the truth, poor thing. It’s okay, Wendy! I loved it!

NOTE: There are two chunks of my episode that I’m missing. For spoiler purposes they’re under the cut, but my review can only comprise the 90% of the episode that did not get sliced off by mattress ads.

Come with me if you want to live.
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