I have a new boyfriend!

I skulked around for a month looking at him, trying to cop a feel when I could, judging if I had room in my life. And I added up all the sad minutes I spent alone this week, just waiting, and knew I had to have him.

Technology continues to tromp ahead without me, by the way – this little guy has twice the hard drive space and memory of my main computer, which was so top of the line when I bought it that I had to uninstall all the NASA applications that came with it.

Now, this thing is lightweight (good to carry around all the time), has a surprisingly comfortable keyboard (which is nice, because I would never have the wherewithal to unfold a keyboard in public without knocking six things over), and has a bright, sharp screen. I know that last thing because I totally stalked some poor woman at the Whole Foods who was watching a movie on it. (Yuppiest sentence I’ve ever written, holy crap.)

ANYWAY, after ten minutes of staring at her down the counter like Mr. Goodbar, I went over and smoothly engaged her in conversation.

G: …IS THAT A NICE COMPUTER?
Her: Please go away.
G: I LIKE YOUR COMPUTER.
Her: I have the cops on speed dial.

With that ringing endorsement, it was time to buy!

Once I bought him, I went home and had a nice bout of buyer’s remorse. I spent the evening watching him charge up and trying to convince myself I hadn’t just bankruped myself for all eternity. I exerted myself – “I LIKE MY COMPUTER” – until I believed it.

And I really do like it, bless its 2-pound heart. I don’t usually name my computers (my other computer is “my computer”, or occasionally “you bastard”), but I sort of had to after all this all-caps emoting.

His name is Fassbender Syndrome. (Jr.)