Dear Friends,

Technically this is a Thanksgiving warning, since we will all be going home and trying to deal with relatives and friends through a few bottles of wine. However, it is an all-purpose warning, really: if you are drunk (or sober, this is seriously all-purpose), Avoid Dancing Alone.

When you dance alone, you think you look cool. It’s ingrained in us; we have a the genetic need to do the Shopping Cart at random intervals, to chase away potential predators. However, when this urge hits you, please remember that you are not in any danger; doing the Shopping Cart can only drive potential mates away.

How You Look, According to Your Inner Belief System:

How You Look, According to Video Footage (courtesy of your Aunt Phyllis or possibly your little cousin Cody who’s only six but already knows how to program Linux):

When you Dance Alone, you only hurt yourself. And possible relatives standing too close to you. Don’t be that person, okay? Just don’t.

(I speak from experience. That video footage is not pretty the day after. Or, you know, ever. WHY CAN’T YOU BURN A DIGITAL FILE IN A CLEANSING FLAME OH GOD.)