I love movies, you guys. (I don’t know if you knew that.) Almost as much as I love movies, I love the making of them. For me, the magic is enhanced, not ruined, by knowing how it was all done. Every time I have visited a movie or TV shoot, I marvel at how many people it takes for a two-person scene, how people deal with weather, how you can tell when an actor is good when the crew pays attention to the actor and not to their work. If you give me the six-disc DVD set with one hundred hours of on-set filming that includes lunch breaks and camera setup, and I’ll watch all hundred hours, twice. Minimum.

I seriously can’t get enough. I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll be working through this obsession the rest of my life.

I love it so much that I sat through fifteen minutes of filming footage of Twilight, in preparation for getting my nose broken next week.

Lights! Camera! Look dull and talentless! PERFECT.

Things I think are actually cool:

- The car scene being made up of teeny-tiny unrelated shots and Kristin Stewart miming distress like the bad guy just tied her to the train tracks.
- How close Robert Pattinson comes to crushing her skull on the pavement while trying to slide and take her down.
- The dude in the prom scene who’s slowly moving a huge lantern around them for Maximum Romance. (“That’s not a moon – it’s a battle station!” WHAT.)
- When they’re driving in the silver car and there’s the person kneeling outside the passenger side waving the little flap to make it look like they’re passing stuff. MOVIEMAKING.

Things I think are hilarious:

- Everyone discussing the shot/going through the take with the poor shirtless guy hanging from the rafters like, “Nnnnrrrgh! NRRRRGH.”
- The three bad vampires walking on the little people mover covered with leaves, and you hear the little “vrrrmmmmmm” of the engine.
- Kristen Stewart trying to act. SPEAK UP, GIRLY.
- The DIALOGUE. “No, you were across the parking lot.” “No I wasn’t.” “Yes you were.” “No I wasn’t.” Oh, epic romance! I get chills!

No, seriously, I think I’m going to be sick.

Things I don’t know:

- Did Robert Pattinson actually hackysack that apple? Was there a wire? He leapt over the truck, so maybe he’s coordinated! Who knows.

To conclude, a brief prayer:

Dear Lord, please let the screams of the little ones drown out my derisive laughter, so they discover me not and I am smote not. Amen.