I am not the world’s biggest fan of Westerns. I’ll tell you what I like: I like groups of people working together to fight some shit, and I like those people to be funny.

So, welcome to Silverado!

Silverado is about four awesome dudes: Emmet, out-for-justice guy; Jake, his batshit brother; Paden, the quiet gambler; and Danny Glover, the Best Son Ever. Together, they fight crime!

No, literally, they fight crime. On horses!

I welcome our heavenly horse-riding overlords!

There are two things this movie is: Sincere, and Satirical. Yes, both. Yes, at the same time. It’s just that awesome, okay?

Check out the cast: Scott Glenn, Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Danny Glover, John Cleese (what?), Linda Hunt, Brian Dennehy, Jeff Fahey, James Gammon, Rosanna Arquette (what?), Lynn Whitfield, and Jeff Goldblum (WHAT).

Scott feels the same way about the cast, but it works. (Also, I make this face a lot.)

Emmet and Paden are one of my favorite Old West pairs, up there with Sister Sara and Hogan and Butch and Sundance. Emmet’s younger brother Jake (the only time I could stand to watch Kevin Costner) is wild to the point of being truly batshit, and while Mal is a great guy, he’s not much for jokes. He’s more about getting corrupt cattle ranchers the fuck off his land already.

But Emmet and Paden? Oh man.

Emmet’s just out of jail serving time for killing a bad man, and now running from said man’s vengeful sons. Paden’s a gambler who believes stoically in the power of luck, and ends up tangling with his old hired-gun friends who are now the sort of corrupt public servants every Western needs. (Together, they fight crime!) They are two smart dudes, and their bromance is epic.

They each get a stab at romance, too, not that it works out. Emmett’s crush (Rosanna Arquette, what?) wants a dude who will stick it out on the land, and Emmet’s like, “Uh, peace.”

Meanwhile, Paden’s in love with bartender Stella (the amazing Linda Hunt), but they’re both too smart to get involved, especially when they’re borth under the watchful eye of corrupt sherriff Brian Dennehy (who it took me AGES to like after this because I saw this when I was ten and was convinced he was a bad guy for YEARS).

Threesies? You know they’re thinking about it.

Plus, the thing is just SO well-written. Sly, subtle humor (except when Kevin Costner’s around). Take this little bit when Emmet and Paden are mistaken for two wagon-train guides:

Hobart: Baxter! Hawley! Where the hell’ve you been? You’re late and I tell you, I don’t like it. It’s a bad start, boys. I got my people down there throwin’ snowballs and rarin’ to go.
Emmett: I’m afraid it is a bad start, friend, ’cause my name ain’t Baxter, he ain’t Hawley.
Hobart: You’re not Baxter?
Emmett: Name’s Emmett.
Hobart: You’re not Baxter either?
Paden: No, I’m not Hawley.

Kevin Kline’s delivery is fucking genius. Just trust me.

Also a favorite:

[Emmett talks about being ambushed by gunmen.]
Paden: They just jumped you out of the blue?
Emmett: I had to get up anyway.

Did I mention Jeff Goldblum’s in it?

Not like you could miss him, though, is it?

This is an old-school Western, and while it slightly tweaks some conventions of the genre, it’s a love letter to the open range.

I JUST LOVE IT, OKAY? I AM A NERD, WHAT CAN I DO, DAMN.

Have the main theme! I still do my Invisible Conductor whenever I hear it. Including right now.