Dec 31 2008

My traditions run deep!

…exactly as deep as a DVD.

I’m talking about The Fifth Element over at Tor.com today, because it’s usually the first movie I watch every year. Mainly because I love a sci-fi hero who’s like, “Can I get more roses on my black velvet jumpsuit? I just feel like right now it’s so….subdued.”

Then I watch movies all day long on January 1 because I’m 1) a movie nerd and 2) a big lump.

Probable choices:

Strange Days, though to be fair this usually has to happen on New Year’s Eve so you can watch in real time as Ralph Fiennes shoves his tongue against Angela Basset’s tonsils. (Not even kidding! It looks like that kiss from Top Secret when Val Kilmer sticks his tongue in his own cheek and rolls it around!) Plus, you can’t watch this movie in daylight; it shines through all the plot holes.

After Fifth Element, it’s Soapdish. Why? Because it’s two things I like: peppy, and cheap. Peppy and cheap.

Then Cold Comfort Farm, aka Awesome British Actor Camp, because it’s what I were always made for.

Once it’s dark (which is what, 3pm?) it’s THE WARRIORS OH MY GOD. I have purposely not watched this movie in three months to save it up for New Year’s, and I am more excited than a sixteen-year-old waiting for a Robert Pattinson poster signing at Hot Topic.



YOU GUYS, HAPPY NEW YEAR.


Dec 31 2008

The Fifth Element: Supergreen!

The New Year is fast approaching, with all the traditions that accompany it; special dishes are being prepared, special outfits being ironed, and special movies being lined up in the DVD player to be the first movie of the year.

My first movie? The Fifth Element.

It may not be the best sci-fi movie ever made (obviously that’s Waterworld), but it has one thing that’s always nice to have at the start of the year: optimism.

A lot of sci-fi classics are dour, and rightly so—let’s face it, in another hundred years Wall-E will be filed under Documentary. But that’s a little heavy for the first day of 2009, where a little optimism comes in handy, and that’s where The Fifth Element shines.

Not that this is a Star Trek-ian parable about species rising above their base instincts. Humanity is just as frail and corruptible as ever. In the very first scene mankind loses an intergalactic custody battle, and the bottom layer of 2235 New York is a smoggy sludgepile which is probably 80% Starbucks cups. But director Luc Besson tweaks the usual Blade Runner nihilism, and instead shows a human race that has adapted to circumstances; humanity now lives in a towering New York with flying fast-food delivery and cigarettes that are 80% filter. (Studio apartment size has not changed with time.)

When Special Forces cabbie Korben Dallas gets a smash visit from unexpected alien beauty Leeloo (she’s unexpected!), the race is on to see who can have more wacky adventures before the budget runs out. Ian Holm, Chris Tucker, Gary Oldman, Tricky, T’Pol’s stunt double, and a handful of old-school character actors all take a stab at it, though I think Chris Tucker wins by a length, having created one of science fiction’s most memorable—and most gleefully annoying—characters. Though sci-fi is rich in camp, it’s often painfully unintentional; it’s wonderful when a movie is in on its own joke. Tucker’s manically carefree performance steals the movie—and when Gary Oldman is in it, that’s no small task.

Since this is a science fiction movie, there’s a union-mandated bad guy (Gary Oldman, who lost the good Guy Role/Bad Guy Role coin toss that day), but the case of magic stones he’s after is a feather-light excuse to visit a world populated with hand-held manicure machines, blue Muppets, multipasses, microwaveable chicken flakes, and alien opera divas. From moment one, there’s never a doubt that Korben, Leeloo, Ruby, and Father Bilbo will set up the stones in time to save the world. And with a whole year ahead of me, that’s just what I like to see.

After a disappointing initial DVD, this cult classic has been released as a remastered special edition, available on DVD and Blu-Ray. If you want a bit of sci-fi that won’t have you sobbing your way into January 1 (I’m looking at you, Decker!), then load up The Fifth Element and let Ruby Rhod’s dulcet tones lull you into a New Year. Supergreen!

Bonus New Year’s Activity: if you’re looking for something to do on your day off of work and want to knock out a resolution, you can check out the Divine Language online; it’s only 400 words, and then you can scratch “Learn a new language” right off your list.

[This piece originally appeared on tor.com.]