This week I tackle The Governess, a 1998 faux-Merchant-Ivory picture about a Jewish girl who inexplicably decides that, instead of marrying an old rich guy who is clearly going to die in five years and leave her a wealthy widow, she is going to gain independence by pretending to be a Christian governess and riding off to Scotland, where she immediately falls in love with the old man of the house and becomes that shrieking girlfriend who wakes you up at night because she has loud fights about how she’s not sure if he even loves her anymore and then throws his shit down the stairs and you find underpants on the banister the next morning when you’re just trying to get to work.

Uh, spoilers. For the movie, and for my life.

The draws of this movie are mainly the cinematography, the evil girl-child, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers when he was, like, twelve years old. And then we’re right on to the stuff I don’t like, which is a LOT. It hardly even counts as Questionable Taste, except it’s so pretty that I can’t really lump it in with Prince of Thieves.

I will be doing a lot of talking about the costuming, which did something I never thought was possible, which is Excessive Chemise. (I know, right?)

Girl, your plastic dress is falling OFF.
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