You know how sometimes the American Girl dolls are just slutty, and they all go to school and have adventures and other things that make them into uppity independent harpies you just can’t stomach?

Well, Life of Faith dolls have you covered.

They’ve created a line of dolls based on “classic Christian literature” (The Bible?) for your little homeschooler to cradle at night when she doesn’t have any other friends because you don’t let her play with the heathen children.

Let’s go shopping, shall we? (Disclaimer: the dolls have some serious Harry Potter names going on. I just report the news.)

First we have Kathleen McKenzie, the creepy baby:

The otherwise-unremarkable doll description includes:

“Kathleen is fully-jointed so she can sit, stand, and be posed in many fun positions. True to her enthusiastic style, Kathleen can even lift her arms in grateful triumph or put her hands together in faithful prayer.”

It just gets worse. Stop here if dolls and/or lack of female agency freak you out.
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