Lo, that was a serious con.

“Then I was all like, I’ll go to Comic Con Saturday, the busiest day, that’s not overwhelming or ill-advised whatsoever! Awesome!”

SATURDAY

Things people dove for: Light-up She-Ra tiaras, inflatable He-Man swords, Don’t Panic hand towels, Sherrilyn Kenyon books which the booth people were pushing on people like they were broccoli with about as much success.

Best Costume: The girls advertising Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire, who had vaguely Xena get-ups that they clearly hated. They wandered around in a little clump, groaning and tugging at their chain mail between bouts of smiling card-pushing. Gotta make the bucks. I salute you, Krod Mandoon PR personnel.

(Yeah, I’ll probably watch an episode of this and see how it goes. Yeah, I’ll probably regret it.)

Number of Jokers: 3,292

Number of Rorschachs: 16,392

Worst costume: Man, this is tough. I’m going to go with the person dressed as the Grim Reaper whose scythe was a big dowel with a rectangular piece of cardboard attached. A scythe dripping blood was drawn on the cardboard rectangle. In crayon.

Second worst costume: Dear attention-seeking young women of the world – black leotard, fishnets, and black boots is rarely a costume. If you are trying to be Zatanna, you will need a tux jacket and top hat. If you are trying to be Black Cat, you will need a white wig and some furry white gauntlets (and some sleeves). If you are trying to be Black Canary, you need a turtleneck leotard and some oversize black gloves. If you are trying to be Storm circa that weird period where she had a mohawk and fell in love with Forge for no reason, you will need a leather jacket and the mohawk and a huge and uncharacteristic guilt complex over being able to make it rain. I am not even a comics nerd and I know this stuff. Don’t be lazy, attention-seeking young women. To wear generic leotards is questionable; to cosplay well, divine.

The smell: Jokes are made about fanboy funk. Every single one of those jokes came from here.

What I will remember most for next year: Upon entering Comic Con, people become utterly unable to use either motor skills or manners. I live in New York City and commute during rush hour, and in the last six months I have not been jostled so much as I was during my one day at Comic Con. I had a small briefcase-y bag I kept tucked under one arm, and that was IT. No tote bags, nothing. I still had people gunning for me like I had a screen-print of Tahmoh Penikett on my back. If one more person banged into me without excusing themselves, I was gonna slap somebody.

How you can tell I’m eighty: Seriously, how hard is it to say, “Oh, excuse me”? If people under twenty-five try to use it, do their throats painfully contract?

Worst panel: the Sci-Fi and Fantasy Author Roundtable. Firstly, for all the reasons I list in my Tor.com column. Secondly, because of the five women, it was Tamora Pierce and four urban fantasy/paranormal romance authors. Way to diversify!

Best panel: See Sunday.

Better than last year?: Yes. Occasionally you ran into someone you knew, and it was like seeing an old friend while you’re both in the middle of a hostage situation at a bank. Sure, you could be doomed at any moment, but hey, good to see you!

(I did actually have a good time, thanks to some beautiful art I caught in the Artists’ Alley, a couple of panels that went really well and were funny and interesting, and my good luck to run into and talk to a lot of awesome people – run into them metaphorically speaking, kids-with-no-manners.)

SUNDAY

Joss provides this answer at a panel, giving me an early birthday present (thanks to Tor.com for the transcription):

Q: Tahmoh, you play two characters, Helo and Paul, that have very strong moral compasses. Do you ever find yourself asking, what would Helo do? Like, “Oh man, I didn’t save anyone from genocide today!”
TP: Not really….I think of them as very different people. Paul [his FBI agent on Dollhouse] prefers to work alone, always. I just wonder what happened to him that he became so mistrusting.
JW: You let Baltar on the shuttle, that’s what!
TP: One day Paul is going to wake up from a nightmare going, “Oh my god, I was on a spaceship, sleeping with a robot.”
JW: What would Helo do? Hm, Grace Park!

Thank you, Joss, for jumping in to answer to a question that nobody asked you, and throwing in a totally unnecessary, unrelated, and sleazy comment that’s not even about the character, but about the actress. Every time people ask what it is I don’t like about you, I can just point to this quote. You have saved me hundreds of words in this lifetime. Much appreciated.

Will I go next year?: I’ll tell you what will happen. I’ll read through this, and then I’ll go anyway, and I will have no one to blame but myself. It’ll be fun! Watch this space!