Putting Renaissance Faires the world over to shame, WAG Screen is making a film of “The Lady of Shalott” to celebrate Tennyson’s bicentenary, bringing well-known Pre-Raphaelite paintings to life. They are doing a pretty solid job:

Waterhouse:

Movie:

Click on the links for bigger versions so you can click back and forth and nerd out like I did! These guys are not playing around.

It’s so…accurate! *happy sigh*

More pictures are available here, courtesy of The Costumer’s Guide.

Let’s talk Kings. Last night there was an episode. The real title is lame, so we’ll just call it, “Nobody Actually Likes Ballet,” since it’s true, even if whiny Princess Waspmilla seems freaked out by the idea.

The show is getting better…ish, except it still has the magical ability to have 800 things happen and yet nothing moves forward. I really feel like this show is the television equivalent of a those lap-pool spas where you swim in place while the water jets just…push on you. Is it just me?

Things I liked:

- Queen Badass! She’s all, “Everyone loves ballet! I’m a patron of the arts! Oh, I’m sorry, what I meant was, I’m the patron of the art of kicking your ass so hard you’re coughing up boot. Also, ballet is for nerds.”
- The security nickname for her is Wedgewood. THUMBS UP.
- I really love the picture that’s coming to light, where he’s the power hungry soldier and she’s the one who knows how to actually construct a monarchy.
- I appreciate that she knows about the second family, because seriously, King McShane was not being discreet about that and there was no way she wouldn’t know.
- Anything about the kingdom outside of the palace. It’s painfully slow, but still, I know now that there are delis in Shiloh. Progress!
- THOMASINA. She is awesome, she is gorgeous, and she is subtle. Please don’t let her disappear like you disappeared Wes Studi, okay?
- Eamonn Walker continues to be too good for this show. At least all his scenes are with Ian McShane, so there’s some good acting going on. I routinely feel sorry for Ian McShane sharing scenes with David.
- No scenes with Ian McShane and David this week!

Things I did not like:

- No Wes Studi! So now that there’s peace, is he gone forever? Screw you, show! We want Studi!
- Jack’s cohort is so one-dimensional that her “acting” just comes off like a bad impression of Eliza Dushku, which I would have thought was impossible.
- Jack’s boyfriend was supposed to be heartrending, I guess, but all I could think about was how freaking indiscreet this kid was. Jack is the prince, and clearly, for the heir to the throne, gay is not okay – would you PLEASE stop wandering around shouting how much you love him? You’re going to get your ass assassinated, stupid.
- Princess Waspy, who has the strategic acumen of string cheese.
- And the acting ability of string cheese, while we’re at it. (Seriously, this fixation on getting girls who look like Seventeen cover models to be on TV instead of actual actresses means we’re in for a totally talentless generation, and this girl is just a harbinger of things to come.)
- DAVID. Oh, man, David.

Listen up, show. In the Bible, David was a totally power-hungry, charismatic shithead. He was not beloved of God because of his good heart, okay? The whole “beloved of God” thing happened because people who wrote the Bible had to make the dude look like something besides just a power-hungry, charismatic shithead. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. It’s what makes him interesting!

David as the good-hearted yokel is the opposite of interesting. I don’t want this guy to come to power. I don’t want this guy to come to BREAKFAST. Corrupt him soon, show, I am BEGGING you, or else hit him with a truck and let’s move on to any one of the much more interesting characters.

- Like Thomasina! Can we just have a Thomasina Show?
- OR WES STUDI.

Attention everyone who feels like howling with laughter tonight:

I’m just saying.

I will probably not be able to resist liveblogging some of this. If so, I’ll slap a cut up here to save people’s eyes.

9:05 Faye Dunaway is in this. She is attempting an accent; I’m guessing Cottonmouthian? (Faye, honey, was rent due? Tell me rent was due.)

9:10 This character’s name is Declan Fitzpatrick. That’s genius.

9:18 It would be awesome if this turned into some kind of J-horror and all the wind-moan sounds were from some girl trapped in a well or something.

9:20 Their copyright-free search engine is “WEB SEARCH.” They stole my idea!

9:38 Jerry goes for some supernatural help for the house, gets freaked out during a palm-reading, and leaves without asking for help for the house. I am not surprised his counterpart in the past met such an avoidable end.

9:42 The one next week has Ivan Sergei in it. Shame on you, Lifetime. You should know more than anyone that that man is danger! Tori asked to sleep with him, remember?

9:44 He asks her on a formal date. She changes from jeans and a black top into jeans and a grey top. When she comes out he whips off his sunglasses and gapes like the prom scene in an 80s movie.

9:51 He asks, “You want to get a cup of coffee?” They immediately have sex.

9:51 Oh my god, the bed spins. Oh, those poor actors.

10:00pm The heroine’s mother was a hooker? I don’t…really? (Also, she’s like, two years older than the heroine.)

10:15 My TV, in a desperate attempt to save me from myself, the move froze for two minutes.

10:15 Oh, Declan Fitzpatrick is the reincarnation of the woman. Dead Again: The Again-ening!

10:25 I thought the bad ye olde brother had a hooker in the living room. It’s supposed to be a brothel. My bad?

10:27 This movie is seriously people in the past doing interesting things, and people in the present just standing around slackjawed.

10:32 The junkie mom threatened to tell people Declan Fitzpatrick is a child molester, which will hurt his law practice day care center? I…wish the people from the past would come back.

10:41 The junkie mom is possessed by the evil ye olde brother and knocks Jerry down a flight of stairs. She speaks for us all, Declan Fitzpatrick!

10:42 Her: “Who did this?” Him: “Your mom.” APPLICABLE AT LAST.

10:50 Uh, thanks for that graphic screaming rape/murder scene, Lifetime! (I am not sure how this twist was a surprise to anyone, since it’s been obvious from flashback one, but okay.)

10:55 An athletic man gets his ass beat by a female, middle-aged drug addict, who is possessed by the spirit of ye olde bad brother, while the ghost of the evil mom looks on and the heroine rushes back to the scene of the crime as the wedding goes on downstairs and Faye Dunaway is wandering around being ominous. Dear movie, next time you could maybe front-load a little of this.

10:56 We have push-the-dagger-back-and-forth-itis!

11:00 Blah blah denoumentcakes. Jerry O’Connell, make a note: “fuhward” is not a word.

It’s airing again as of 11pm!

Over at Tor.com, I talk about one of the great movies of our time: Hackers.

By all means, head over there to read the column, in which I tried to keep it together. Because below this cut, I just nerd out ridiculously.

Hackers: when cargo pants were king.

There is no good and bad. There is only fun and boring.
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The longer I look at the last grouping, the funnier this gets: