My short story “Synergy” is now available in the latest issue of Diet Soap. It’s my love letter to office jobs, for certain values of “love letter.”

As soon as they’ve taken my prints and retinals, the recruiter hands me a portable workscreen.

“PLEASE CHOOSE A HUMOROUS PATOIS.”

Underneath it, in smaller letters, “Please note: all patois is in the service of a congenial workplace. Company and subsidiaries are not responsible for actual offense given or taken, and suggest that if this is a concern, you select a patois at random.”

I’m from Germany (though the Standard classes took care of my accent when I was still a kid), but I can see the way the recruiter is looking at me, so I press _Franglais._

Canned laughter and a tinny Marseillaise erupt from the workscreen, and the recruiter smiles and takes it back. “Are you ready to meet your colleagues?”

After a moment I say, “Mais oui.”

It includes cubicle mates, performance reviews, and a manager with a fishbowl for a head. Just like your office!