Let’s talk Kings. Last night there was an episode. The real title is lame, so we’ll just call it, “Nobody Actually Likes Ballet,” since it’s true, even if whiny Princess Waspmilla seems freaked out by the idea.

The show is getting better…ish, except it still has the magical ability to have 800 things happen and yet nothing moves forward. I really feel like this show is the television equivalent of a those lap-pool spas where you swim in place while the water jets just…push on you. Is it just me?

Things I liked:

- Queen Badass! She’s all, “Everyone loves ballet! I’m a patron of the arts! Oh, I’m sorry, what I meant was, I’m the patron of the art of kicking your ass so hard you’re coughing up boot. Also, ballet is for nerds.”
- The security nickname for her is Wedgewood. THUMBS UP.
- I really love the picture that’s coming to light, where he’s the power hungry soldier and she’s the one who knows how to actually construct a monarchy.
- I appreciate that she knows about the second family, because seriously, King McShane was not being discreet about that and there was no way she wouldn’t know.
- Anything about the kingdom outside of the palace. It’s painfully slow, but still, I know now that there are delis in Shiloh. Progress!
- THOMASINA. She is awesome, she is gorgeous, and she is subtle. Please don’t let her disappear like you disappeared Wes Studi, okay?
- Eamonn Walker continues to be too good for this show. At least all his scenes are with Ian McShane, so there’s some good acting going on. I routinely feel sorry for Ian McShane sharing scenes with David.
- No scenes with Ian McShane and David this week!

Things I did not like:

- No Wes Studi! So now that there’s peace, is he gone forever? Screw you, show! We want Studi!
- Jack’s cohort is so one-dimensional that her “acting” just comes off like a bad impression of Eliza Dushku, which I would have thought was impossible.
- Jack’s boyfriend was supposed to be heartrending, I guess, but all I could think about was how freaking indiscreet this kid was. Jack is the prince, and clearly, for the heir to the throne, gay is not okay – would you PLEASE stop wandering around shouting how much you love him? You’re going to get your ass assassinated, stupid.
- Princess Waspy, who has the strategic acumen of string cheese.
- And the acting ability of string cheese, while we’re at it. (Seriously, this fixation on getting girls who look like Seventeen cover models to be on TV instead of actual actresses means we’re in for a totally talentless generation, and this girl is just a harbinger of things to come.)
- DAVID. Oh, man, David.

Listen up, show. In the Bible, David was a totally power-hungry, charismatic shithead. He was not beloved of God because of his good heart, okay? The whole “beloved of God” thing happened because people who wrote the Bible had to make the dude look like something besides just a power-hungry, charismatic shithead. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. It’s what makes him interesting!

David as the good-hearted yokel is the opposite of interesting. I don’t want this guy to come to power. I don’t want this guy to come to BREAKFAST. Corrupt him soon, show, I am BEGGING you, or else hit him with a truck and let’s move on to any one of the much more interesting characters.

- Like Thomasina! Can we just have a Thomasina Show?
- OR WES STUDI.