The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Man Who Cried”
The Catherine Cookson Experience: "The Man Who Cried"[Previous episodes of The Catherine Cookson Experience here.] This week, the CCE delivers my biggest letdown so far: Ciaran Hinds and Amanda Root, stars of the Persuasion (best Austen adaptation ever), team up again! And man, they suck. Welcome to The Man Who Cried, which is about a good-looking dude (Ciaran Hinds: well cast, casting person) who keeps tripping and falling into ladies, which disgusts him, just disgusts him.…
“To Set Before the King”
“If you leave meat on the bone in lukewarm water long enough, the pores will leak marrow. No matter how gamey the meat, the bath in its milky marrow-water will soften it and give it flavor. It’s a poor man’s trick. You know the meat is ready when you can peel the bone out of the meat and grind it to powder under your fingers.” My short story “To Set Before the King” will be coming out this fall as part of the Interfictions 2 Online Annex.…
Ultraviolet in two sentences.
Violet is a hemophage (that’s like a vampire except you don’t drink blood, you just have seizures sometimes and people hate you for no reason and make Holocaust metaphors about you in flashbacks and kill your babies) who hates humans for being mean to her, so she steals a suitcase that has an anti-hemophage weapon in it and escapes by running on the ceiling and flying a motorcycle off a building and through a helicopter and into another building, which is great except that on her way to deliver the case she opens it and it’s a kid torso floating in static, which is some kind of future-stasis you put hostage kids in in the year 22whatever, but when she tells her French boyfriend about it he’s all, “Whai should Ai cayre,” and shoots the kid, only it’s not the kid, it’s a PROJECTION of the kid, because Violet took the actual kid out already, and the dictator dude wants the kid back, so she escapes a pile of Chinese gangsters and goes to her friend Garth to find out why, and it turns out the kid’s a clone of the dictator and the virus he’s carrying will actually kill HUMANS unless they get a daily antidote and Violet’s all, “So, we have to stop him,” even though she hated all humans twenty minutes ago (behold the power of moppets!), but in an unexplained detour she and the kid go to a playground, where he dies and gets kidnapped by the dictator, which Violet can only hope isn’t permanent as she’s gunned down dead – well, dead except that Garth resurrects her because he’s warm for her form, except Violet does not even have time for those shenanigans because she has to infiltrate the impenetrable One Dictator Plaza (it takes her five minutes) and have a showdown with the dictator, who’s actually a hemophage himself, not that it helps him when Violet slices him into little pieces, after which she rescues the kid – who wasn’t dead after all, because when she cried into his eye after he was shot on the playground he became a hemophage and hemophages can’t die, ever, except for before when Violet was dead and Garth had to resurrect her because she was dead.…