Emmys: a Red Carpet Rehash

So, the Emmys happened! I don’t care who won. I came for the dresses.

The good, the bad, and the ugly!

THE GOOD:

Best look of the night, if you ask me. This is how you rock loose, floaty layers that are slightly out of proportion:

I loved this. LOVED it.

I don’t like the satin lapels, but the rest of the tailoring is spot-on. Thumbs up on the pant legs, John!

Dame Sigourney Weaver, being awesomer than everyone.

This is almost too sweet, but it’s Drew Barrymore. Sure, she can’t act, but she’s so genuinely nice that this halo isn’t even a trick of the light; the sun shines a little brighter, just for her.

This would be amazing if it wasn’t for the mantilla out the back.

The year: 1922. This dress: awesome then, awesome now.

This is so simple that it would be plain, except that the texture is really rich without looking like upholstery. Thumbs up.

She’s stunning. He looks like a cartoon pilot.

A little too much cleavage, but it’s nice to see short sleeves that look glamorous.

Nude without looking naked, sparkles without looking like a pageant contestant, tulle without looking bridal. (And my one bodysnark of the night: she’s looking really, really thin. I don’t like it.)

I even liked this dress, though I don’t like the actress wearing it. It’s a nice use of layers to add interest without being too floaty:

It works, even though it sort of looks like a topographical map or a medical problem.

SPEAKING OF MEDICAL PROBLEMS:

An enormous parasite makes its move on Padma.

This dress is bleeding internally! MEDIC!

This dress reproduces by budding.

Those sutures are infected! MEDIC!

THE BAD. You guys, you were all SO CLOSE.

Love the idea! Too bad it looks like you’re trailing toilet paper.

It’s her style, I guess, if we’re back in 1993. And the color is unusual without quite being dowdy. But man, the staggered band of color around the hem that looks like an accident, the eyelash fabric stapled to the top – honey, you can do better.

YES, THEY ARE VERY NICE, YOU CAN PUT THEM AWAY NOW, THANK YOU.

This is so close, except I’m not a fan of the one-shoulder, usually, but even then this might have worked except that I just feel like the puff is too much. If that had been a tight sleeve, I would have loved it. And the makeup and hair are awesome. Thumbs up.

This is how you DON’T rock floaty, too-big layers:

I love the color, love the idea. Just…didn’t quite get there.

Blair Waldorf should know that shoulder pads are SO 2008 Fall/Winter collections.

This would have worked without the necklace. (Don’t compete with a fancy neckline!) Also, one shade darker. Just one! The sunlight bounces off it and washes it out! You must know that, actresses! Think, damn you, think!

THE UGLY:

The human lampshade.

I don’t know why no one hemmed this. She looks like one of those huge inflatable Slinky-men they put outside the car dealers so they wave demonically in the wind.

No comment.

This is the face of a car salesman. You’ll never tell me any different.

Where are those arrows even pointing?

The deeply unfunny Sarah Silverman in a deeply ugly dress.

WHO IS LETTING CHRIS O’DONNEL ACT AGAIN? DID NO ONE SEE HIM IN THE THREE MUSKETEERS? IS THE WORLD NOTHING BUT A CRUEL JOKE?

Genevieve on Tumblr

  • photo from Tumblr

    How do you know?

    As predicted, Queen Catherine began her “I Will Ruin You Sexually” Tour pretty much the moment Henry was in the ground. What a magnificent time.

    10/31/14

  • photo from Tumblr

    I loved the Met’s Death Becomes Her exhibition of mourning clothes. The rules of mourning are fascinating and infuriating in equal measure, and the exhibit does a great job of presenting the benefits of mourning (publicly noting grief explains much to others that one then doesn’t have to explain oneself), the business of mourning (fashion crept into mourning left right and center), and the politics of mourning (sexually-experienced ladies who might have money and be in the market for a new husband? Lock up your sons). 

    [Top photo: Metropolitan Museum. Other photos mine.]

    "The Scots shut themselves up in total darkness,wear veils, i know not how many folds, but so black that sitting beside them you could not tell whether it is a broomstick dressed up or what it is." - Elizabeth Emma Stuart, 1856

    "Black is becoming; and young widows, fair, plump, and smiling, with their roguish eyes sparkling under their black veils are very seducing." - Robert De Valcourt, The Illustrated Manners Book, 1855

    "I remember a remark a very superficial minded young lady made to me the other day: ‘I think a long black dress and a long black veil look so nice.’ Poor creature let her think on. She was in mourning once for her father." Nannie Haskins Williams, 1863

    "Have been all this week in a sad task making up my mourning for my dear Papa & today for the first time put it on. The sight of this black dress brings the cause why I wear it more fully to my mind, if possible brings him more vividly before me." Catherine Anne Edmonston, 1861

    "Black is more than ever the favorite color of fashion. there was a time—our mothers will remember it—when the sole fact of wearing a black dress when one was not in mourning was sufficient to call forth a kind of reprobation, and to cause the wearer to be classed among the dangerously eccentric women."  Harper’s Bazaar, 1879

    10/30/14