So, there have been endless articles about how most Halloween costumes for ladies exist on a sliding scale of sleaze, with values from from Stripper to Really Stripper.

However, since I believe you don’t have to go naked this Halloween, I hit Target and looked for some decent costumes. There had to be some, right?

First, I found this, which baffled me then, and baffles me more the more I think about it. It’s part of a series called “Sinners” based on the Seven Deadly Sins (how ATNM of you!). This is Sloth.

I would have assumed that lazy people would be wearing much baggier pajamas and be a lot less toned, but I don’t want to be sloth-ist. Instead, I’ll just wonder how a slothful person can exert themselves to the point that they pull a Hulk and bust out of the front of their PJ pants.

Also, would a slothful person take the time to lace up the corset sides of their pajama top?

Also, seriously, what?

Sadly, since it covers more than eight square inches, it counts. For something.

To be fair, they aren’t all disasters. This is the cutest of the covers-more-than-your-nethers costumes, and a pretty decent approximation of the ST:OS uniform first season. (Well, right up until they started shrinking in the wash and cast members were carefully edging along the walls or fighting interstellar crime as gingerly as possible so they didn’t flash anyone.)

Looking for something a little more regal? How about THE WORLD’S UGLIEST QUEEN COSTUME?

I could point out the random skirt-bodice not-matching, or the collar that looks like an enormous version of a veggie steamer, but really, the model’s face says it all.

In fact, you know what? There’s no way to win with a store-bought costume. Either you make it yourself, or you slap on a tee shirt and go in this:

…good luck driving!