Over at Tor.com, I wrote about four reasons to watch League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as part of any steampunk immersion. Sure, one of those reasons is just to witness its horribleness, but I think we all know that I believe that suffering through bad movies builds character.

I will say that the movie is remarkable quotable for something that is, in general, so bloodless and banal. I think Stuart Townsend steals the show when, during Dorian Gray’s fight with the vampiric Mina Harker, he moans, “We’ll be at this ALL DAY,” with the sort of over-the-top ennui that you rarely see in good movies.* It’s the sort of make-the-best-of-it feel that only comes from realizing you are cast in one of the shittiest movies of the year. I salute you, brave b-movie veterans!

(Please note that this movie is an example of a particular subculture; Movies with Richard Roxburgh Running. He’s the best runner in Hollywood. Yes, I’m serious. Yes, this is the kind of thing I think about.**)

* This is wonderful when you’re stuck in department meetings. Just imagine him busting in, dropping that line, and swanning right back out.

** Best example – Mission: Impossible II, the scene as he’s stealing the vials, running through the dark hallway. It’s so effortless!

Welcome back to the Catherine Cookson Experience! This week we get to Tilly Trotter, in which the lead actress can actually act, the lead actor can actually act, and they have chemistry, which automatically makes this better than most Cooksons. Unfortunately, the entire first half is “Some guy assaults Tilly,” which is tedious and gets to the point where it seems more absurd than anything. We’ll get there.

Tilly’s just thrilled about it.

Vital Stats:

Era: 18mumbletymumble
Heroine: Tilly Trotter
Siblings that require looking-after: None, but she keeps inheriting families full of people who want to marry her.
Illegitimate (Self or sibling): Nope!
Asshole Father?: Nope, just the village rapist.
Romantic interest(s): Farmer Simon, Lord Mark. She gets about 800 other proposals from interested parties, though.
Bairnsketballs: Not one! Can you believe it?!
Fistfights: Three…ish.
Assaults: Oh lord, the first HOUR is just nothing but poorly-planned assault attempts.

“I’ve told you before, if it’s down to you and the pig, I’ll take the pig!”
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I’m a casual opera nerd. My parents have recently become likewise, and this past weekend they came into town for an Aida/Tosca double-bill.

They mentioned after the fact that people in the bathroom were fighting about the production of Tosca. Some people sided with The New York Times review that calls shenanigans on the staging update and points out that the opera got too sexy, and the sets too spare. Other people thought the update was great, and that the detractors were just married to the long-standing Zeffirelli production and couldn’t accept change.

Now, I appreciate the chasm that will inevitably form between old-school opera fans who come back every year to see their favorite shows restaged the classic way, and the new opera fans that opera houses are courting in a desperate attempt to keep from going out of business.

On principle I support the latter. At its heart, the singing and acting of the leads is what makes an opera great, and from all accounts (even the Times), the Tosca in this production is outstanding. My parents raved so much that I’m buying tickets myself. If the corrupt police chief Scarpia gets three buxom ladies to pull a Dracula’s Wives on him when he talks about his dark desires, and it gets people in the door, then no one should complain, right?

Except, this is the publicity still they released for this show:

…because nothing looks more darkly alluring than a photo-op staged like the first half of a gum commercial?

(I don’t care, I’m totally still going.)

(Also, I hope people are still arguing when I go. I get such a kick out of the idea of nicely-dressed middle-aged ladies throwing down over whether or not the staging detracts from the power of the score. Go, ladies, go!)

I have an agent! I’m now a client of Jennifer Jackson.

(I owe a pair of boots. Debts of honor paid out fashionably.)

I’m thrilled and excited to be working with Jennifer. I had to erase multiple exclamation points from this post like you would not BELIEVE.)