(You know, out of context, that title sounds like something Gilgamesh would say, and not a way to instantly get me to quote that film in its entirety.)

A week ago, I passed a little hobby shop that had Galaxy Quest miniatures in the window. I did a double-take, walked back, pressed my face to the grate until my face looked like a waffle iron, and generally pined for them. It took me a week to get back there at a time when they were actually open. But I did, and now I own this:

Box is labeled “Standard Thermian Issue.” APPROVED.

You’d think that owning this, and being able to take it out of the packaging any time I want, would be the best thing ever. (Collectors, please put down your mint-in-box weapons – the bottom of this box is so damaged there’s no point in keeping it pristine. It’s seen better days; it might as well live out its life being carried around on a belt loop as I cosplay as Brandon-at-home-just-as-Jason-calls-him or something.) However, it turns out that this is NOT, in fact the best thing ever, because as I went looking for pictures of this thing, I found a website that has this on it:

Found on The Questerian.

I don’t care if this is the real Japanese poster, or a fan graphic, or a total hoax, because whatever this is, it is the best thing ever. (That gun is shooting “Never Give Up, Never Surrender,” you guys. YOU GUYS.)

My mom’s reaction when I told her I’d bought Thermian away-team gear: “Well, you’re outside.” (This nerd apple did not fall far from the tree.)