Every so often, amid the movies that are bad because they missed a script pass, or bad because of their subtext, or bad because of their lack of energy, a Jonah Hex will fall. A movie so ambitiously, gleefully terrible that all you can think is, “Well, that is happening!”

Ladies and gentlemen, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters.

As the Ven Helsing team sits back and thinks, “I don’t know, that seems a bit much,” let’s all just be glad that in the middle of the dark days of January 2013, just when the joy of Solomon Kane (Solomon Kane: Career-Ender) is fading, we’ll have something to sit through that does not pretend it is anything more than a couple of actors and their publicists trying so, so hard to make Fetch happen so they can land their own franchises.

And it has! (B-movies, building careers one Piranha 3D at a time.) Jeremy Renner, when he was making this movie, was beginning to appear in the Marvel franchise but probably did not know he would have landed Bourne by the time this came out. Gemma Arterton probably just wanted to be in a movie where she wasn’t required to be kidnapped and/or crying all the time, though if she landed a franchise, I’d be listening. (I mean, X-Men: No Homo is going to need a Jean Grey at some point, right? I’m just asking. No offense to Famke Janssen, who is also in this movie! Oh, this movie.)

And sure, medieval peasants wielding Gatling guns and other extreme weaponry is actually a thing I’m getting tired of, which is such a weird thing to even be typing, but there you go, and so I definitely understand being wary of paying ten dollars to watch people playing a huge, 3D game of Look at This Nonsense. But really, Look at This Nonsense can be sort of my favorite, and I’ll be honest, this movie had me the moment it showed me this:

Ye Olde Missing Personnes posters. You guys.

To sum up: It looks terrible. See you there.