Star Trek shirts at Hot Topic.

Oh, suddenly it’s cool to like Star Trek?

You know what? You kids get off my lawn or I’ll choke you with some two-year-old butterscotch candies, okay? I liked Star Trek before you were born, damn.*

* People who were born after I started watching Star Trek can now buy cigarettes. Fact.

Okay, so, the Sci Fi Channel is changing its name to SyFy, to “build a broader, more open and accessible and relatable and human-friendly brand.”

Dear Sci Fi Channel:

In your quest to be more relatable, you have given us Dark Kingdom, where you foisted Julian Sands on us. You gave us Copperhead, in which someone’s name is Bill Longly. (It’s THAT kind of Western.) And of course you gave us Aztec Rex, in which a dinosaur ATTACKS HERNAN CORTES.

So okay, you’re turning a new leaf. What can we expect from this new, accessible, human-friendly SyFy channel?

…that’s not funny, Sci Fi.

Yes, good morning, hi, I’d like to return my hope for future generations? Is this the right place?

Yeah, it is.

That shirt says: “Edward and Jacob – rising the standards for men everywhere”

Rising the standards.

…can I also get a refund on my goodwill towards humanity? Thanks.

I never watch the Golden Globes (all awards shows are dead to me after Gwyneth Paltrow beat out CATE BLANCHETT for an Oscar), but I was going to put up some real-time Golden Globe dresses, because there’s nothing I love better than a pretty dress.

Then I caught this lovely sidebar link and got distracted.

Globe Actresses Gifted This $3,650 Compact

I guess I should be grateful they weren’t handing out necklaces, but it seems embarrassing to pay so much for something that looks so ridiculous. Alexis Carrington would take one look at that and be like, “It’s a bit…tacky, no?”