Category: julian sands eats kittens
Fantasma: The Recappening.
Okay. Abridged Classics: Il Fantasma dell’opera. Part One. Just remember, this hurts me a lot more than it hurts you. Until the rat sex. Then it probably hurts you more. (My soul is already dead, so it can’t be hurt again.)…
Fantasma-snoria!
Of the many horrible things one deals with while watching this movie, you’d think that a terrible script, lack of acting, and lack of general coherence are some of your biggest hurdles. Sadly, you would be wrong. Asia Argento is a very special young lady (who, at 18, let her father cast her in a movie that required full nudity and included non-consensual sex, which, have some therapy, maybe!).…
Fantasmgasm 2: Scriptin’ Boogaloo
So we know that the Fantasm de Nastypants is amazingly bad in terms of special effects, convincing screaming, and poolfights. You know what else is awful about this movie? The script. These lines are not dubbed, so it’s not even like they’re lame because the dubbers had to match lip movements.…
Oh, MY GOD.
Guess what I just finished watching. My only regret is that you can only watch it for the first time once. Never again will I watch this scene and say, "Holy crap, is he unbuckling his pants?" and not know the answer. Hint: Yes. More on this movie later, when I have more coherent thoughts.…
Raised by RATS, and Movie Week.
The fourth-best man-raised-by-rats movie in the world is currently winging its way to me. Friday night will be the first viewing, post office willing. Friday night +30 minutes is probably when I will turn it off for having too much gore. (I’m a weenie.) The best part of this picture is how grumpy he looks, as if all he wanted was to swan around with his velvet cape in peace, and the cameraman totally ruined his afternoon.…
Oh, my GOD.
YOU GUYS. Girl alert – I loved A Room with a View. It’s the lemon-frosted cupcake of film; what’s not to like? And of course I crushed out on George Emerson, just like any other girl who sat at home on Friday nights in high school clutching her life-size Jane Austen pillow and sighing over a guy whose idea of summer wear is a three-layer linen suit and a big straw hat.…