It is truly shameful how little I’ve been around this week. I’ve been busy, but it’s all the sort of busy that means that at the end of the day you look at your list of things that need to be done, shove it under a stack of papers with due dates, and go to bed.

However, hopefully next week I’ll be back in the swing of things, because Fairie Tale Theatre is not going to watch itself!

In the meantime, I present, What Happens to You When You Put on HGTV When You’re Trying to Clean:

After 5 minutes: This is perfect cleaning inspiration! Stress-free and tidy.

[Cleaning.]

After 30 minutes: Man, do none of these people have any paperwork? I have a tiny apartment and electronic billing on everything and my mattress is still stuffed with duplicates.

[Slightly dispirited cleaning.]

After an hour: What, are you kidding me? How can you take that place when the other one had so much character?!

[Redacted because I am a lazy jerk ashamed of her domestic habits.]

After two hours: That apartment’s only 1.5 mil, and there is no paperwork in it, and I have lost my remote in piles of half-cleaned things. I’m moving there. It’s the best way.

(I still can’t believe they took that place. The other one was gorgeous. This applies to every episode of House Hunters International where they don’t pick the one that is clearly the best.)

It’s late and I’m procrastinating. Dance anecdote!

I actually do dance! (For those new to the blog – hi! – I did the tango scene for a couple of years and really enjoyed myself, but I gave it up because I realized I’d never sleep again otherwise.)

Club dancing, though, has never been my thing; I can do the Seventh-Grade-Boy Shuffle* as well as anyone, but I lack the gene that allows you to let loose on a public dance floor. The pressures of the casual dance floor are usually too much for me. Also, I look like a dork.

However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t done it! In fact, at my very first job with the event planner, there was a general lag to hit the dance floor that was deemed unacceptable by the showrunners. I was told to “seed the floor” so that others would feel more comfortable.

Basically, it was the below video for ten minutes, only instead of a mohair sweater I’m wearing an oversized business suit with pins in the sleeve left over from fixing the slipcovers on the banquettes, and one hand is constantly going to my waist to make sure my walkie-talkie doesn’t fly off into the crowd, and on my face is the horrified expression of someone whose last vestiges of dignity have vanished forever.

(PS, I seeded the hell out of that dance floor. I may have no dignity left, but I get the job done!)

* The Seventh-Grade-Boy Shuffle: Move slightly, either to the beat or to some slightly different beat only you can hear; occasionally clap your hands or dangle them awkwardly in the air for a moment before lowering them again. Under no circumstances should you make eye contact with your partner.

ETA: OH LORD, what is that screencap? The video itself is totally work safe, they just picked the world’s worst screencap. Yikes.

On Friday, I had my launch party for Mechanique.

It taught me many things (for instance: I have amazing friends who will haul ass to Brooklyn), but it also taught me that, if you’re throwing a party, you should import my sister from across state lines and give her a camera.

Location: The House of Yes. This icehouse-turned-circus is known for its home troupe, and was a great space for the party. Best part: after the normal-ceilinged lounge, you walk into the performance space and realize how high up these aerialists really climb. (I am just guessing, but I eyeballed the ceiling at about four hundred thousand feet.)

My sister got a Glamour Shot of the book that I didn’t know about until after the party, but it dovetailed nicely with “Study, for Solo Piano”:

Nerd Alert: who has two thumbs and made a truly unbelievable number of hand-stamped kettle-corn bags? This guy.

Portrait of Some Guests, with Disco Ball (pixels on other pixels, c. 2011, taken while my sister was sitting on a ladder, far off the ground, like someone who is entirely unrelated to me):

The performances were seriously amazing. I had, back in the mists of time, been asked about the vibe I wanted, and gave some vague notes and a couple of song suggestions, including one of my favorite songs from the book-writing playlist, thinking that if I was exceptionally lucky I might get something close to that. Otherwise, I had no idea how the performances were going to look, or what they would be.

Answers: Amazing, and AMAZING.

First up was Juanita (gorgeous):

Second was Anya, whose routine was just aces, and who appeared in most of the photos to be a beautiful and powerful blur. (Hopefully there are some more photos forthcoming from someone who had an action lens, in which case you should probably just brace yourself for an exhaustive picspam, because they’re worth it.)

I am currently working on acquiring video of the performances (and if you took any, I’d love to see it – I was sort of nerding out at the time and would like to relive now that I’m more at leisure!); when that happens, I will absolutely be sharing.

Even though I am usually the person whose first question about a new enterprise is “Can I do that from home in my pajamas?”, every once in a while, you just want to throw a party. I could not have had a better time at this one. Thanks so much to everyone who came out!

This is a shot of the House of Yes, scene of the launch party for Mechanique this Friday, May 6!

You guys, I am seriously excited about this party. Like, “I hand-stamped vellum goodie bags” excited. (I have nothing to say in my own defense; you can take the girl away from the event planner’s office, but you can’t take the run-of-show spreadsheet away from the girl.)

I hope to see some of you there – and feel free to bring friends, because there’s no cover, the space is fantastic, and there are cheap drinks, performances, and an amount of snack food that is truly out of control. (Vegan and gluten-free snack options will be available, because some people roll that way.)

Here’s a handy all-in-one jpeg, if that’s your bag (click to enlarge):

And for the Facebook inclined, this link should take you to a share-able events listing. (If it doesn’t, just laugh at me and tell me, and I’ll figure something else out.)

To conclude: never underestimate the value of stink-free archival ink.

Totally kidding. My mom just brought me a pair of the glasses I had in third grade, is all. Here they are, next to my current glasses. Because the angle is a bit off, I did some scientific measurements, and these glasses are easily twice as tall as my current ones.

I think from this photo we can all infer a few things about my childhood.

1. Those glasses are laughably huge. Today’s hipsters had nothing on me in third grade. (According to my mother, all the children in my school wore these glasses in those days. Also according to my mother, I used to get in trouble for reading a book under my desk while looking down through the bottom third of my glasses while trying not to bend my head over. Also, don’t look at her like that, all the kids had glasses like this, this was what was available.)

2. They still fit. Either my head was enormous then or it’s teeny now.

3. They weigh a TON. Good thing my neck muscles were strong from holding up my possibly-enormous head.

4. My mom brings the best presents.