Wow, it’s been a long time since I visited a Catherine Cookson!
Ladies and gents, welcome to The Round Tower. It’s a sweet little romance about an upper-class girl, a middle-class boy, and the bairnsketball that comes between them!
The Round Tower probably Cookson’s most in-depth look at class differences in mid-century England and the turmoil caused by the idea of someone wanting to change their socio-economic strata through hard work. However, since most of those parts were filmed with the light from a single desk lamp, you can’t really tell.
It also has some of the skeeviest lines of any Cookson. Just…wow. This poor, poor young lady.
Vital Stats:
Era: 1950s. And 1960s. And maybe 1970s. Also maybe 2150. They’re in some time warp where they never age and yet five hundred years of the viewer’s lifetime pass before their eyes as they watch! Heroine: Vanessa Ratcliffe. Siblings that require looking-after: Nope! Illegitimate (Self or sibling): She gets a bairnsketball thanks to her father’s skeevy friend. Does that count? Asshole Father?: Oooh yeah. Romantic interest(s): Angus Cotton, an employee of her dad’s who marries her to save her reputation. Bairnsketballs: Check. Thanks, creepy neighbor! Fistfights: I started counting, but gave up. I think this entire movie is one huge slapfight. Assaults: On our characters, no. On our patience, yes.
I talk about the newest Game of Thrones casting over at Tor.om. Casting spoilers, obviously, if you click.
All I can say without spoiling anything is that casting is absolutely key when you’re gearing up for some epic fantasy. The normal rubric of “this person is a good actor” doesn’t work. You know who is a very good actor? Anjelica Huston. Also, Joan Allen. Also, Hans Matheson. And yet, DID YOU SEE MISTS OF AVALON? That shit was AWFUL.
Epic Fantasy Actor Camp is a very tricky beast, people! Godspeed to all involved. Glower and pine as you’ve never glowered and pined before!
In case you didn’t catch the last fifteen Austen adaptations on the BBC, they’re tackling Emma later this year.
Good news: Romola Garai, Johnny Lee Miller, Jodhi May, Michael Gambon, Blake Ritson (poached from Mansfield Park!), Rupert Evans, and Head Bitch in Charge (Except in Hex Where She Died) Christina Cole means that place is Awesome British Actor Camp. Plus, Emma wears a collar during the day! Progress!
Bad news: Johnny is much too young and cute to really capture the ridiculous WHEN YOU WERE NINE skeeve of Mr. Knightley. The adaptation with Kate Beckinsale and Mark Strong comes closest to the age differential, where she’s seventeen and he’s SIX HUNDRED YEARS OLD. Not that I don’t love Mark Strong – he’s quite foxy! – but Austen really highlighted the fact that he decided to express his romantic feelings for her, which he’s had since she was LESS THAN THIRTEEN, by acting like her dad and telling her that’s what he’s doing. Ah, romance!
Preview! Spoilers for people who haven’t read the book; though, let’s be fair, you’ve had since 1811 to get on that.
[Previous episodes of The Catherine Cookson Experience here.]
This week, the CCE delivers my biggest letdown so far: Ciaran Hinds and Amanda Root, stars of the Persuasion (best Austen adaptation ever), team up again!
And man, they suck.
Welcome to The Man Who Cried, which is about a good-looking dude (Ciaran Hinds: well cast, casting person) who keeps tripping and falling into ladies, which disgusts him, just disgusts him. Why won’t these women stop getting with him, damn? He spends four hours being emo about how he just wants to be Left Alone with some other woman than the one he’s with at the moment. (Doesn’t matter which woman he’s with; he wants a new one.)
Vital Stats:
Era: 1930s, just before WWII Heroine: Ciaran Hinds. Siblings that require looking-after: His ten-year-old kiddo. Illegitimate (Self or sibling): He begets one! Nice job, Ciaran. Asshole Father?: Yeah, Ciaran. Romantic interest(s): Every woman on the planet. Bairnsketballs: Yup…CIARAN. Fistfights: Largely nonviolent, except for ladies lunging at Ciaran and attempting to climb him like a tree. Assaults: See above. SIT DOWN, LADIES.
So, after last week’s happy-go-lucky tale of nice girls with the memory capacity of a goldfish, we get into the gritty reality of what life was like for the ladies of the 1850s. (Answer: sucky.) Behold, The Girl!
Note: There are Cooksons worse than this, but few Cooksons duller. We will be skipping over large portions of repetitive, depressing malarkey. The point Cookson is trying to make: sucks to be a lady in the 1850s who had to make a good marriage Or Else. Point we take away from it: sucks double to be a lady whose only options are your rapey husband or that dude down the street who gets drunk and insults you. (Also, you fall in love with the second guy, which means in this scenario you probably have a concussion. I’m sorry to hear that.)
Era: 1850 Heroine: Hannah Boyle, the young illegitimate daughter of gentleman Mr. Thornton. OR IS SHE? Siblings that require looking-after: She has three half-siblings who mostly suck, but in case she’s the one that requires looking after, because oh my lord, girl gets beat on. Illegitimate (Self or sibling): Hannah. Sort of. Whatever. Asshole Father?: Uh, not to Hannah, but uh, wow. Romantic interest(s): Ned. Fred, who marries Hannah, is not a romantic interest. It gets gross. *shudders* Bairnsketballs: Hannah gets one, though technically it’s legitimate since she’s married. Even though it’s not her husband’s. It’s all very Jerry Springer. Fistfights: Yep. And caning. And bear traps! And they burn someone’s finger off. Assaults: Innumerable; we see one, and one other that’s interrupted by one of the best conversations the world has ever known.
