So today at Tor.com I brought up some of the casting rumors that are flying, as next summer’s blockbusters get ready to start filming.

Of all these looming bad decisions, and there are plenty, the two most confusing are the casting of Penelope Cruz and Angelina Jolie. (…in anything, ever.)

The one I enjoy the most is Frieda Pinto’s casting in a movie that is NOTHING LIKE CLASH OF THE TITANS, OKAY, SO JUST STOP ASKING:

Story follows a young warrior Theseus who leads his men into battle with the immortal Greek gods to defeat evil and the powerful elder gods of the Titans in order to save mankind. The “Slumdog Millionaire” thesp will portray Phaedra, an oracle priestess who must join Theseus — played by Henry Cavill (“The Tudors”) — on his quest to prevent the cataclysmic war from erupting.

You should see my face right now. (Is “skeptical glee” even an expression? Because I seriously can’t wait for any of this.)

They’re accepting your application, mostly because the estimated life span for a sidekick in a fantasy movie is about 65 minutes, unless you crack wise, in which case you might outlive your boss, which is nice for you, but looks pretty bad on a resume once you have more than one. You let one hero die, it’s an accident. More than that and you start to look like you lack some skills.

At Fantasy Magazine this week, I take on the career cases of Ten Sidekicks Who Could Do Better.

There are a lot of short-shrifted sidekicks on this list, all of whom could do better, except for the one sidekick I absolutely cannot stand – “The Mouse” Gaston from Ladyhawke. I will never warm up to him, ever, and though Sidekick Union bylaws give him a loophole for sympathy, his character annoys me so much that there is no way I can ever sit through that whole movie again. (Unless you pay money to make me in , but I’m pretty sure no one would waste a chance like that on a movie like Ladyhawke.)

I don’t even hate the movie, necessarily; I appreciate the relatively spare take on what could have been a total disaster. But oh man, that was the movie that ruined Matthew Broderick for me forever. The Dangers of MisCasting: It Can Happen to You!

At Tor.com today, I talk about Warner Brothers Studios and their decision to attack the Twilight demographic with a Red Riding Hood adaptation.

In theory, this is a good idea. Fairy-tale retellings are enjoying a renaissance, and there’s never been so much money to be made from wolf-riddled stories of sexual awakening. In practice, however, it’s written by the guy who wrote Orphan. (We’re doomed.)

Check out the article for more movie-nerd thoughts on what this movie is up against!

So, last night I saw The Wolfman so I could review it for Tor.com. The review is here, and if you are thinking this might be old-school over-the-top fun like Bram Stoker’s Dracula was, you should probably read this review first, just so you know what you are getting into.

(Hint: you are getting into a seriously terrible movie. It is the sort of movie where people looking into the supernatural can open a book with the consecutive chapter headings “Lycanthropy” and “Ancient Gypsy Lore”. Just, wow, movie. Wow.)

Over at Tor.com today, I tackle the first wave of this year’s genre pilots coming out of pilot season, including something so awesome/hilarious I can’t even speak of it with a straight face: they’re making Push into a TV series.

On the surface? Smart. A small group of photogenic people running from a shady government and hooking up with a series of semi-famous guest stars has proven to be sustainable for at least four decent seasons.

However, this pilot has not been picked up by a network yet. I am wondering if maybe they aren’t sure how to handle the casting of some of the characters, since our underage heroine was a little underdressed, and that will get super-awkward every week at 9pm, you know?

ALSO THEY ARE MAKING HAWAII FIVE-O AGAIN. WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS.