My recap is up at Tor.com.

I would like to add, for the record, that if you are going to have your thin, attractive FBI agent drool in her sleep (I call shenanigans, by the way) and make note of Rufus calling it “cute,” and then you lock them in a fridge, nobody wants to see them staring dully at each other until somebody gets the bright idea to shoot the lock off, okay? It’s Time to Make Out. I don’t even like Agent Marley, because she’s twelve years old and dumber than a box of hair, but there are rules, you know?

Also, you’d think the FBI agent would make sure not to go in first and leave them open to BEING LOCKED INSIDE A FREEZER.

Also also, as someone who was locked in a walk-in freezer by her coworker once when she worked in a restaurant, the light goes off. Good luck shooting the lock off in the pitch dark!

(Also also also, being locked in a freezer is seriously uncool. Not recommended.)

My recap of Thursday’s Eleventh Hour episode “Miracles” is up at Tor.com.

It has the best thing ever, in that the graphics department slapped a Flash Player pause-button logo in the only corner of the newspaper that was facing the camera. GREAT JOB WITH THE FILLER, GUYS.

No, seriously, go look. I screencapped that thing myself, that’s how much I am not joking. Plus there’s the clip where you get to watch Rufus google out of his own head pointing to the Flash Player embedded in his newspaper. SCIENCE!

This week’s recap of Eleventh Hour is up at Tor.com.

Now, usually I acknowledge that no one in their right mind would watch this show. I understand and applaud it, and I salute those of you who watch it, like I do, to laugh hysterically.

However, this week Rufus Sewell had to pretend he was tweaking on PCP, which means several things:

1. He loosed that googly eye something fierce.
2. He waved a chair around and screamed about how the universe is dying.
3. He slapped his own head like a high school production of Nell.

You guys, it’s amazing. Just trust me, and click on the link, and check out that clip. I have seen it at least four times, and it never stops being funny.

(This guy can actually act, you know! I’ve seen videotaped proof! Who knows what happened.)

The People’s Choice Awards are apparently tonight!

I resent the Buzz Polls, I won’t lie. When I worked there, I had to write multiple-choice trivia questions, and I couldn’t use red carpet photos, which took away about 90% of my options. Never have I done so much research on 70s TV shows. NEVER.

Which reminds me:

…not only make her amnesiac, but make her amnesiac AND BLIND, so she would have to “learn by touch” and they could start an evil-twin subplot with the local minor noble, since she would testify they were the same person because they had the same face that she had touched in her AMNESIAC BLINDNESS.

Still want to start a band named Amnesiac Blindness. Sample stage patter: “Thank you, whatever city we’re in!”

Apparently Eleventh Hour is nominated for Best New Drama, which I have to think has something to do with the fact that both shows are on CBS and not with the fact that anyone actually enjoys the show.

Well, I do, but for all the wrong reasons. And it’s back this week! Welcome, ye googly eye!

(GOOGLY EYE.)

Is it wrong to hope that Rufus Sewell shows up drunk? I mean, chances are good, right?

My tor.com review is here.

Seriously, this show is hilariously bad. The good news is that if anyone wants to start a band, “Sexually Transmitted Suspended Animation” is probably not taken, and it just looks good, you know?

Also, fire the medical examiner who didn’t notice that his corpse’s heart was beating five times a minute while he was DOING THE AUTOPSY.

Also also, Rufus tortured a mouse for no reason. I bet later he fed it to his dog. Yeah, he has a dog, didn’t you know? Also, he has a crush on his dead wife’s best friend! Are you surprised that this is only coming out in the ninth episode of the season? Well, get in line!

Also, they are really not pulling out any stops. There is never a sbutle question of ethics that you have to wrap your mind around. No, it’s just flesh-eating bacteria transmitted through The Dirty Deed. Can they save the day before a bunch of worthless drunks in Daytona die? Hint: if you want people to care, don’t show us how worthless they are BEFORE you make them sick, because then we sort of get the feeling that someone’s just skimming the crud off the gene pool, okay?

PS. Rufus…damn, child, you are looking FINE.