I wanted to do something really meaningful for International Blog Against Racism Week. Something wrenching, profound, well-written.

I thought about writing a heartfelt essay about people of color in movies. Then I thought about writing a well-organized essay about people of color in movies. Then I thought about creating a list of well-realized people of color in movies. Then I realized there’s no way to organize any aspect of this little Hollywood clusterfuck, so let’s play it fast and loose, okay? There’s just so many ways to be offensive, why stick to just one?

Welcome to A Night at the Movies!

Come in, sit down! Be exploited and stereotyped! It’s fun.
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I am not the biggest Bond fan in the world. When he’s not a cardboard cutout in a tux, he’s a suave-slash-vicious example of British imperialist blahblah. Even as a kid I couldn’t see the appeal; Bond rarely entertained, the women rarely lived. I caught a couple of the Pierce Brosnan ones, and I like Daniel Craig in the role (though I still haven’t seen the latest one he’s in), so my cultural awareness of James Bond is more or less a vague impression of guns and boat chases and Timothy Dalton scrunching up his face all the time like he’d just smelled poop. Also, because his girlfriend was probably dead.

All this to say, I was totally unprepared to be surfing channels and to run across Live and Let Die. I couldn’t bring myself to turn it off, because I kept waiting for a punch line that never came, and then it was over.

And you guys, we need to talk.

You know, let’s just begin with the title card.

Yeah. So, that happens!

You think it can’t get ironically better / actually worse? Aren’t you sweet.
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You know how sometimes the American Girl dolls are just slutty, and they all go to school and have adventures and other things that make them into uppity independent harpies you just can’t stomach?

Well, Life of Faith dolls have you covered.

They’ve created a line of dolls based on “classic Christian literature” (The Bible?) for your little homeschooler to cradle at night when she doesn’t have any other friends because you don’t let her play with the heathen children.

Let’s go shopping, shall we? (Disclaimer: the dolls have some serious Harry Potter names going on. I just report the news.)

First we have Kathleen McKenzie, the creepy baby:

The otherwise-unremarkable doll description includes:

“Kathleen is fully-jointed so she can sit, stand, and be posed in many fun positions. True to her enthusiastic style, Kathleen can even lift her arms in grateful triumph or put her hands together in faithful prayer.”

It just gets worse. Stop here if dolls and/or lack of female agency freak you out.
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Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and used a “make bank” pun in her blog about Ridley Scott’s Monopoly movie at Tor.com? THIS MOI.

Seriously, I’m stunned he’s doing this. My column is only half-joking, because what the hell, Ridley? What the hell.

A US Airways plane has landed in the Hudson. I can see it from my building.

The ferries have circled to help, there are tiny specks that look like they’re standing on the water, and the sound of sirens has drowned out every other sound in the city.

If what we’re hearing is true, and the pilot landed in the water after his engines died, that’s the best fucking plane landing in the world ever. I mean, people are walking away from an emergency water landing.

ETA: And it’s over. That was the fastest, most organized emergency response ever, you guys.