Last weekend, my sister came to town. In my endless quest to pretend I am a hip young person and not a hopelessly misanthropic homebody, I tried to pick an activity that would be “amusing”. We settled on Coney Island.

FUN FACT: Times I have watched The Warriors: at least a hundred, not even joking.

Times I have been to Coney Island in the many years I’ve lived in this city: Zero.

I’m embarrassed, too.

My sister somehow convinced me to go up on the Wonder Wheel. Now, I know this will shock many of you, but I am not a huge risk-taker. This includes all Wonder Wheels. On the other hand, there is nothing like a withering glare from someone who thinks you are a total dorkwad to convince you lay down SIX DOLLARS for a chance at an epitaph that says FROM THE FERRIS WHEEL TO GOD’S EMBRACE.

This sign did not comfort me.

Sure!…YET.

An elusive glimpse of freedom through the flimsy cage of my imminent doom.

GAZE ON YOUR DOOM. It’s like Cthulu, if Cthulu was a rickety rollercoaster being operated by a half-asleep park employee.

I actually did have a good time on the Wonder Wheel, mostly, except that every time we stopped and the cart flew forward on the rails, my sister “Wooo!”ed and I silently gripped the edge of the seat and tried to figure out how long it would take us to die if the car went off the rails, and, if so, what my last words would be. (Hint: “THIS IS YOUR FAULT” was winning big.)

After I staggered swiftly away from under the shadow of the rollercoaster, the worst moment of the day was over.

Almost.

WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS.

Seriously, I cannot tell you how creepy this thing is in person. I am not generally a superstitious person, but I absolutely refused to even touch it, because it just looks like the sort of thing that you would yell at a horror movie character for going near.

(Avoided epitaph: APPROACHED OBVIOUSLY-EVIL PARK FIXTURE DESPITE KNOWING BETTER.)

Luckily, after that, it was time for the aquarium, which is not quite as freakish; the sadness is just that the populations of some of these dish are so threatened that the only place that’s safe for them is an enormous fish tank where people stare at them and BANG THE GLASS LIKE A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES TO TRY TO GET THE FISH TO LOOK OVER OH MY GOD I HATE YOU, TOURIST COUPLE.

But other than that, everyone was happy!

…as you can see!

These penguins were having a fight. Later they made up and buzzed a school of very serious-looking fish at what looked like 80 MPH.

Wheeee!

This seal swam around at a pretty good clip, too. Then it took a nose-dive into the sand. (For a quick nap?) Then it woke up and kept rolling along. Ah, the wonders of the sea!

To conclude: Coney Island was lots of fun. I need to get some research in on the last few minutes of the Warriors so I can nerd out more next time. (Chances of anything from 1980 still being there and recognizable? We’ll find out!)

Oh, PS:

There you go. Sleep tight, kids!

(All pictures courtesy of my sister, who is very good at them. The one time she handed me the camera, she got back a series of impressionist blobs. Of stationary objects. I don’t even know.)

So, a week or two ago I got a Facebook, because my sister told me there were other Genevieve Valentines on Facebook and I might want to snag the little nametag profile whatever. (She’s very thoughtful.) So I made one, so secretly that I did not even tell her. Stealth, right?

Somehow, in the last 24 hours, ten people found me. I don’t even know how that happened, that is how little I know about Facebook, but it was…illuminating.

I still don’t know what I’m going to do with it (and I dread finding out), but I’m this one, and not the one who’s a physical therapist in Texas or whatever.

This happened a few days ago, but I keep thinking about it, so. Have a short play!

Scene: A Starbucks.

[Woman ahead of me approaches the counter with a sandwich in hand.]

WOMAN: Can I also get a latte and one of the blueberry muffins?

EMPLOYEE: My, someone’s hungry! [Calls the drink, gets the pastry.]

[Man behind me approaches the counter with a sandwich and a banana in hand.]

MAN: Can I also get a latte and a slice of lemon loaf?

EMPLOYEE: Sure thing! [Calls the drink, gets the pastry.]

…oh, SOCIETY.

1. The first thing I did when I got home was make a pot of coffee and drink the whole thing. (I was seriously undercaffeinated all weekend, which, if you spoke with me whatsoever, I might have noticed.)

2. The second thing I did was watch Stephen King’s Desperation on SyFy, and laugh hysterically. And I am the world’s biggest weenie about anything vaguely resembling horror, so it takes a lot to show me hundreds of dead bodies and manage to NOT creep me out, but after the fifteenth tarantula-riddled corpse, I was cracking up. Did they build the town on a huge mating nest? Also, young woman stock character, is it necessary to scream every time you see one? It’s like your thirtieth corpse. Eventually it has to be old hat, right?

Steven Weber has the magical ability to look totally embarrassed in whatever he’s in, as if he’s sending a manful hostage note right through the camera to the audience. Best scene: while touring a Small Town Abandoned Place, he fondles a Foreign Artifact (hey-o!) and he and the young woman stock character have to pant at one another for two minutes, because you know how finding random artifacts on an office desk makes you frisky.

In true TV-movie fashion, not only does this encounter not affect the plot, it doesn’t even come up (HEY-O!) again in character beats. It’s just how Steven Weber rolls.

The best part of the entire thing is Ron Perlman, who knows when the time has come to chew scenery. Check out that pretty face. Third from the bottom is the best one. Jazz hands!

3. I’m still wasted-tired. The con reminded me of the “Gotta Dance” number in Singing in the Rain when Gene Kelly and company are on a pair of moving walkways, dancing manically and zooming back and forth and just missing one another.

Some things make a post!

1. I read last night at NYRSF for the Federations event, alongside K. Tempest Bradford, Allan Steele, and guest host John Joseph Adams. The other readings were great, and I managed not to pass out, which was my only goal for the evening. (I dream big.) The crowd was amazing – thanks to everyone who stopped by; it was lovely to have friendly faces to look at when I got nervous.

2. I got nervous a lot. My stage fright is no joke. (Actually, that’s not true. I called my mom ahead of time and made my usual, “I have the vapors, we’ll have to call off the cotillion!” crack, so technically it was a joke, even if I spent most of the evening trying not to barf up my own heart.)

3. When I got home, I sat down to unwind with the pilot of Warehouse 13. By the time I was finished, I wanted to throw myself out the window. What a terrible pilot, holy crap. I wrote it up for Tor.com, if anyone wants to know how SyFy’s new flagship show is!

4. Hint: it is terrible.

5. Tomorrow I leave for Readercon! I am very excited. I am also packing my bags with some vegetarian granola-type bars that will provide nutrition for me, and pre-mourning my impending, unfamiliar distance from my yuppie soy lattes.