So, usually when a franchise property gets its movie rights snapped up, they hire eight or nine writers to slap together some canon plot from the comics/books and then write in more leather bustiers and explosions.

Here’s what I think happened to Aeon Flux. Some poor sci-fi fan wrote a perfectly serviceable low-budget science fiction movie about a futuristic city and someone who finds out its inhabitants are clones of themselves. It was a character-centric, quiet movie, Gattaca-style. He sold the rights for seven grand. He went out and bought his friends a bunch of drinks.

Then he found out they were taking his treatment and using it for Aeon Flux, because this one time Aeon Flux also had an episode that was sort of about a clone! And they were going to cast Charlize Theron! And there would be more leather bustiers and explosions!

Then he kept drinking and hasn’t stopped. You can still see him today out of the corner of your eye when you pass a dark dive bar; he’s muttering “BUT IT WAS ABOUT HOW HUMANITY PERSEVERES!” and weeping into his hoodie. And, you know:

…if I were that guy, I’d be crying, too.
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