Yes, good morning, hi, I’d like to return my hope for future generations? Is this the right place?
That shirt says: “Edward and Jacob – rising the standards for men everywhere”
Rising the standards.
…can I also get a refund on my goodwill towards humanity? Thanks.
Earlier this week we had to go to The Mall to pick up a holiday gift item. While we were there, we passed Hot Topic, and there was no way I wasn’t going in there.
You guys, it was awfultastic. I lasted about forty-five seconds, and that was all I needed to see.
The good news is: if you didn’t think Christmas was good the first time, it’s never too late for a do-over as long as it’s Twilight stuff!
For The Special Girl in Your Viewfinder: a tee that tells her why you care enough to rent that cherry picker all the time.
For The Man You’ll Regret Marrying by the Time You’re Twenty: a pair of rings that reminds you of your place any time you feel like having an opinion.
For Your Child Who’s Probably Going to Resent You Anyway: might as well!
Yes, these are actual items. I don’t know what to tell you.
In better news, what I actually got for Christmas:
* A pair of loafers. They’re orthopedic. (What? Your arches aren’t gonna support themselves! See you when I’m eighty, suckers!)
My family is super pragmatic and tends to give totally unsurprising and useful gifts. My sister got a wind-up radio/flashing help signal for her trunk. It’s awesome.
Chris Weitz will direct New Moon. He’s expected to be in Vancouver on Monday to start pre-production.
Let’s note it’s a dude, just to get that out of the way.
Then let’s note the last movie he did: The Golden Compass.
Yeah, because THAT was a cinematic gem. By all means, put him in charge of another book adaptation with a rabid and easily-put-off fanbase! He’ll do GREAT!
He’s a brave guy to have taken it. Also, probably an idiot. Just saying.
We all know how I feel about Twilight. (*screams*)
However, firing the director (who by all accounts was beloved by her cast) is a little suspicious coming on the heels of a $70.6 million dollar opening weekend. I mean, we get that you hate a woman who’s too successful, but damn, the woman’s still on her European press tour trying to plug the movie. You couldn’t wait a week to dump her for McG?
Ugh, I hate supporting a movie with such anti-feminist content, but it was written by a woman and directed by a woman, and that’s pretty rare. Plus, it had a huge opening, which is even more rare – so rare apparently it will never happen again! Nice one.
So I wrote up a movie death match for Tor.com between Inkheart and Bedtime Stories (totally not a fair fight, since one has Adam Sandler in it and automatically loses forever), and as a surprise to no one, Inkheart is more awesome.
And the more I poked around the Inkheart stills, the more awesome it looks. It’s book porn, coat porn, and Awesome British Actor Camp porn. Featuring Helen Mirren and a unicorn. Sold!
Any movie that has a scene in a book market is okay by me!
Please don’t test me by pointing out horror movies or Nicholas Cage movies with book markets in them. I have limits.
So, we open with Brendan Fraser, playing himself as usual, and his daughter Meggie, who maybe live in England. He walks around being hunky and broody, and she’s picked up a bit from old Dad, judging from these pictures. Good on you, Meggie.
Mom got sucked into a book years ago (don’t ask), but they’re not alone: they have Aunt Helen Mirren!
Helen Mirren does not give a fuck what you think of her hat.
Of course, there’s plotcakes, which include Paul Bettany as a fictional character within the fictional movie, as he has apparently become literally too good to be true. That bastard.
Look, a gorgeous coat with Paul Bettany inside!
According to IMDB he comes to warn Brendan about some danger and then hangs around for sidekicky plot reasons, but, uh, in his free time he does a bit of stalking, looks like!
This is what Twilight should have looked like, you know? When a teenage girl is being followed around by a pasty older guy, it looks like this, not like a romance novel cover. Sadly, my earnest feelings towards Paul Bettany preclude me thinking ill of him until he kills a kitten or something.
Speaking of things Twilight should have looked like, when two teens like each other like that, it usually looks like this:
This picture cracks me up. Leave room for the Holy Spirit, you crazy kids!
Also, I’d take his outfit in a flat second. I’d take hers, too, except that the those are not capris, they are overalls and that’s not a good look for me. Or anyone over the age of four. (Sorry, Meggie!)
I will be going to see this movie because it’s got Awesome British Actor Camp veterans in it, basically. Though apparently we’re in for some real action, too, judging from this thrilling battle shot that should probably not have been a widely-released publicity still:
1) That is not flattering to anyone.
2) Thrilling shrink-from-the-breeze action!
3) All I can think of is those elephant comedy-farts that create enough wind to knock cars over. (I’m sorry. I’m twelve.)
