Watchmen!
So, I saw Watchmen last night at midnight!
The official review is up at Tor.com.
Unofficial, spoiler-riddled thoughts below. Keep in mind I have been awake for, uh, a lot of hours, so not everything is here. I’ll think of more.
Fun fact: there was a guy in my theatre balcony who wore a knit cap with a brim and talked a lot of shit with his friends, and a guy directly in front of me who called Zack Snyder “Brechtian” in a tone that indicated he clearly pulled a descriptor out of his ass, and then went on to talk about 300 as a narrative of malehood or something. All I’m saying is, it’s lucky for them I don’t have the magical ability to make people’s heads explode.
I’m also saying that, if you wear a knit cap with a little brim, you are just asking for someone to slap you behind your head. You can’t see who did it! you have a little blinder on top!
Anyway, whatever, I saw the movie.
Things I loved:
- Patrick Wilson, who just nailed Dan Dreiberg – noble and sad, optimistic yet not an idiot.
- Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who just nailed The Comedian – vicious and ruthless and horrified.
- Matthew Goode, who did really well as Adrian – he was a little boyish-looking for the part, but he pulled the sociopath card when it counted, and then it all worked. Also, dude can work out a fight scene!
- Jackie Earl Haley, who was born to be Rorschach – it was just chilling. I couldn’t get enough, which is saying something, because in the comic book I felt we were juuust about on our Rorschach quota a couple of times.
- Billy Crudup, whose casting I doubted, knocked it out of the park. His character was one of the most affecting, which took me totally by surprise. I may hate your nasty face, Crudup, but you can act.
- Everyone has a slightly different fighting style; not really obvious, but it’s there.
- The moment when Dan goes to warn Adrian, and Adrian’s in the middle of a press conference, and Dan picks up Adrian’s action figure and wags it at him like, “You geek,” and Adrian pulls this little face. Moments like that were my favorite; the little between-the-cracks bits that fleshed out the parts of their pasts we never see.
- You felt like Dan and Rorschach really were friends. It was natural and understated; when they get to Antarctica, Dan is slapping on his winter gear, and he frowns at Rorschach and says, “You need more than that,” like he’s Rorschach’s older brother. I dunno, I loved it.
- The first coitus-nothinghappeningus between Dan and Laurie; it was so fumbling and awkward and intimate and nervous and weirdly relaxed. Perfect.
- I am coming around on the changes made to the ending. I was never violently against them; I’m just wondering if that was A way, or the BEST way. Not that it matters; what are they going to do, reshoot?
Things I did not love:
- The second sex scene. If it was a joke, it was lame. If it was meant to be serious, it is double lame. If Zack Snyder just wanted to get Malin Ackerman topless, triple lame. The music makes it quadruple lame, and the jet of fire makes it QUINTUPLE LAME. That is a lot of lame for a one-minute scene.
- Speaking about the jet of fire, Laurie is really surprised that the button with fire on it shoots fire? Does she have a concussion?
- Speaking of Laurie, she was lame enough to begin with without you taking away the omnipresent guards as a reason she felt inspected all the time. Instead it just looks like she throws a snit fit and leaves.
- Speaking of snit fit, may I throw one about that actress? Where did you find her, Boise community theatre outreach? Good lord, she blows.
- Speaking of outreach, can we do some kind of intervention on your music director? What the hell was that Hit Parade in the first 90 minutes? It’s the eighties. WE KNOW.
- Speaking of hits, can I hit whoever made Nite Owl II say, “What happened to the American Dream?!” in his best Hayden Christiansen voice? What the hell is that shit? People cracked up, and by people, I man, everyone who was near me, and also me.
- I’m fine with Dan witnessing Rorschach getting detonated, but then he and Laurie leave in the biggest, gayest huff I have ever seen, and I worked in event planning. I mean, can they do something a little more damning than tossing Blue Steel over their shoulders as they leave?
- Sally Jupiter. She had enough problems before, you know? Yeesh.
- They don’t have the scene where Adrian asks for absolution and John tells Adrian nothing lasts forever. I don’t want to nitpick, and I’m fine with most of the stuff they changed, but that feels like a big whiffle ball to me. Later, Laurie says of the new peace, “I feel like John would say that nothing lasts forever,” and I was like, “Good feeling! Because he did! In that scene he was in that has MAGICALLY DISAPPEARED.”
- ETA: The dude who played Nixon. Did he wander in off the street? My grandmother can do a better Nixon.
