So, the Golden Globes happened, and people declared undying love for their costars and their pets, but let’s face it, it’s all about the red carpet.
I seriously hated 90% of the dresses this time, so I am not even doing a worst-of (well, with one exception, but she’s hateful and deserves it), so this is a random collection of looks I really liked.
Best Color: Rumer Willis, which shows how bad this red carpet was; I mean, Rumer Willis is not really a bastion of good taste under normal circumstances, but you gotta give the girl credit for being the only one on the red carpet in this color, which could not be said of electric blue or runny-egg yellow, which were just EVERYWHERE, which – people, you pay your stylists to make you look GOOD. Don’t let them just mess with you!
Clearly this ranty dress collection is not for the bandwidth-thrifty.
Best Look of the Night, Under-30 Division:
Amanda Seyfried, who looks like a beautiful alien, and actually picked a shade of grey that makes her look gorgeous instead of washed-out (seriously, be careful with grey, other red-carpet ladies). The dress itself is so simple it borders on boring, but every time I saw a thumbnail of her I was like, “That woman looks AWESOME,” so clearly I liked it.
Best Look of the Night, Over-30 Division:
Kristin Scott Thomas, who wanted to bring the “I’m so French I wears scarves everywhere” look to the carpet without being obvious, and totally, totally managed it. (Not a huge fan of this limp beige-grey- I am not kidding about grey being a tough color! – but it’s a huge improvement over the Day-Glo prom outfits some of the other ladies were wearing.)
“I Have No Idea How Old She Is and It Doesn’t Matter” Award for Stunningness: Christina Hendricks
Leap of Faith Award: Julia Ormond
I didn’t know what she was wearing, but with awesome Byzantine earrings and a neckline like that, I went on faith and guessed she looked great from the neck down.
(Aside: I have always liked her and am really glad she’s having a comeback, for reasons I can’t really define other than that I love Smilla’s Sense of Snow with an unholy love, even though it’s totally questionable, and she’s an alto, which is nice in a sea of soprano actresses.)
(Related note – Actresses of the world: modulate! Sex Kitten-Tronic not always the best dialect option!)
Then I found this on Getty and confirmed that she is still as awesome as I always dreamed. (Those dreams being ones where she and Juliette Binoche play twins on the lam who wear lovely tailored suits and spectator pumps and get involved in bilingual capers.)
I actually loved this outfit, for two reasons:
1) Clearly Marisa Tomei knows these awards are not really worth dressing up for. She’s got the budget for one nice dress, and she’ll wear it to the Oscars, thank you very much!
2) This genuinely looks like something she put together herself, like she found some awesome blouse and some jewelry at a flea market and then a trumpet skirt from some fancy boutique and a big belt from Forever 21 and she was like, “I like all these things so much I am going to wear them all at the SAME TIME.”
I hold Emma Thompson as someone who can do no wrong, though I think with this clutch she’s trying to shake me.
A high-five to Glenn Close, who woke up a week ago and was like, “You know what? I’m freaking mumblemumble years old, okay? I am not going to swan around in some big dress where I can’t eat anything because of the corset and people keep tripping on my train and US Weekly writes up some snarky bullshit about my cleavage. I am going to put on a nice wallpaper jacket and some pants and then fire off a shit-eating grin all the way down the red carpet because I get to sit down without looking behind me. SUCK IT, everyone!”
However, the outfit I was happiest with was Renee Zellweger’s, because I think she sucks mightily, and now when people ask, “What has she done that’s so bad?” and I don’t have a clip of her acting available, I can just show them this and say, “This is what her soul looks like.”