The SAG awards were last night! For those who get confused this time of year (it’s understandable, they really pack them in during Stylist Season), the Oscars are the ones people really want, the Golden Globes are the ones where everyone gets drunk, and this is the one where actors can finally stop pretending they care about any of the categories except the acting ones.
The red carpet presence for this affair was a little unexpected, both in terms of who showed, and how they looked. For some of these actors, they’ll regret not wearing their outfits to the Golden Globes instead; for some of these actors, they’ll just regret.
(Sad fact: right now the West Coast is suffering a crippling body-scrub shortage, and it’s all these peoples’ fault.)
Let’s start on an upbeat note this time!
There were many looks last night that I either loved or could roll with. In no particular order (sort of), they are:
Mila Kunis. I’ve talked before about how her magic powers seem to be not so much in her acting, but in picking awesome red carpet looks. This one (Alexander McQueen, one of my favorite designers ever) is another gorgeous dress in a line of gorgeous dresses; there is a real trick to picking a print on the red carpet that doesn’t make you look odd amidst the satin, but she nailed it. I do wish she’d put her hair up, but I think she’s contractually mandated to look young and fresh and fancy-free at all times. The look of the night, if you ask me.
Hailee Steinfeld. Whoever is dressing her knows exactly how to make her look chic and fancy, yet still her age (which is Fetus). The silhouette is early-Barbie elegant, but the stripes are fun, and her matching nails and plastic ring are pretty much the most adorable ever. (Those will not be adorable in a few years, but this is really the perfect age to take advantage of kitschy accessories, when you’re too old to be infantilized for wearing it and right before you hit the age where it looks tacky.
Kelly MacDonald. At the Golden Globes I wished she’d wear something more exciting than her beige dress that was shredding itself to death on the red carpet. Then she did! This looks gorgeous. Now I’m wishing for a million dollars; I’ll keep you posted how that goes.
Oh, did you hear something? It’s just the sound of Helena Bonham Carter not giving a shit, is all.
(I wish the bodice had been underlined a little more, so we weren’t seeing the white double-up in her bodice darts and the dark shadow where her skirt’s sewn in, but otherwise, carry on.)
Apparently everyone else in the world hates this dress, but I am here to tell Barbara Hershey that if you wanted to look elegant yet understated and age-appropriate on the red carpet, you did. (Also, she has no sitting wrinkles. Did you walk? What is your secret?!)
Annette Bening, filling in another square on her “Look Effortlessly Great” checklist.
Susan Sarandon, filling in another square on her “Take Some Tips from Helen Mirren” checklist.
Julie Bowen, is that a well-done jumpsuit on the red carpet? Well, color me pleasantly surprised.
Kiernan Shipka, in another example of how to look chic and twelve at the same time: this sized-down Audrey Hepburn style with the kitten heels and no jewelry is just lovely.
I was on the fence about this, but it’s a lovely color and I really appreciate that she wore something that has more than five centimeters of ease of movement. Bonus for interesting not-diamond jewelry.
Julia Ormond. Are you staging a comeback? You’ve been showing up and looking good lately.
So, an aggravatingly tasteful group of people on this red carpet came out all right. But some people did not come out so well!
Oh, Tina Fey.
Here is the thing about this outfit. She gets savaged a lot on the red carpet, which is odd, because I never think she looks terrible, I just think that she has a slightly offbeat fashion sense but is too terrified of the negative press to go Full Bonham Carter and wear what she wants, so sometimes she ends up looking like a super-polished version of herself, but sometimes she ends up looking like she finally just gave in to her stylist and did what everyone else was doing. This is one of those. There’s nothing wrong with it! She looks fine! It’s just that you can tell it’s a dress by committee, is all.
Another so-close, by Dianna Agron. Love the colors, love the idea, but that not-quite-waist-and-also-not-quite-hip bow on an already-vague torso area is nobody’s friend.
Archie Panjabi, you are awesome. Sure, the dress is a little dull and a little long, but that facial expression is priceless.
Sophia Vergara’s dress is bafflingly tight, and also not great. You know what’s great? That dude taking Creeper Pictures right behind her. BUSTED, SIR.
Julianna Marguiles. Again, there’s nothing super-wrong about this, and I don’t mind a little minimalism (I loved her Golden Globes dress), but there’s something about the bodice I don’t like, as if someone tucked a red curtain into the crevice of a red-velvet chocolate box and said, “Can you make me a dress that looks as much like this as possible?”
January Jones. I can get behind the dress; that hair, I can’t forgive.
Christina Hendricks. From the waist up, I like it. From the waist down, it looks like a Gypsy Rose Lee costume. That slit needs to be pinned to the knee or something. Something. Help me help you, Hendricks.
Also, was all of Hollywood ordered not to put their hair up by the powerful Pomade Lobby or something? Are we all allergic to a nice chignon in this town?
Also, I mentioned this yesterday during a Nerd Town Crier moment, but we’re going to look at it again:
Patrick Stewart and Marina Sirtis, making my heart skip a beat. Style-wise, hair and jewelry are spot-on; I really wish she had gone one size up, though. Everybody hates freedom of movement!
Julia Stiles, you can wear spotlight-generating dresses all you want; still won’t make you a good actress.
Nicole Kidman, forgetting the age-old fashion rule: “Before you leave the house in a chic but very fussy dress with a lot of textural detail right at the neck, remove one necklace you drunkenly bought at Claire’s.”
“You listen to me, stylists, I am on the verge of a comeback here, and since everyone forgot about the shoplifting thing and I haven’t visibly aged, I actually have a shot. I want something that says, Commit to my career! I want something that says, I love you…whenever you hire me! I want something that says, Do you take me…for a leading lady. What do you have that’s like that, and also a size too small in the boob area?”
“I want a dress that says, Not Too Lesbian to Be on Fox. What do you have that’s like that, and also from 1987?”
Bad Dresses I am Taking Personally:
Okay, I understand that Jennifer Lawrence has a little Hilary Swank Syndrome at the moment, where she’s trying to counter a sexytimes-free performance by looking Incredibly Sexytimes on the red carpet. I was willing to allow stripper shoes with the big edgy black and grey ruffly Golden Globes thing, but you get away with shoes like that exactly once. Also, this dress is a travesty that I can’t even discuss.
Melissa Leo. MELISSA, ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE PROUD OF YOU ON THE RED CARPET, WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME LIKE THIS?
(P.S. The hair looks great.)
(P.P.S. I still love you forever.)
But…I Don’t Understand…
…someone invited Paz de la Huerta to acting awards?