Today at Tor.com I talk about some awfulsome Christian horror movies.

Two things about this article:

1) I am not joking about The Prophecy. Simon is a wounded angel hiding in the abandoned wing of a school, and when he realizes Gabriel is coming for him, he coaxes little Mary close enough that he can spit the soul he’s carrying into her body so Gabriel doesn’t find it.

This is not weird in terms of heavenly amorality, ends justifying the means, etc. It’s unsettling, but the whole idea is that the heavenly agenda can’t be understood by mortal men, so that’s all fine. But what this means in real life is that Eric Stoltz looked at the script and went, “Okay, I fight an angel, sure, I talk to the agnostic, okay, I make out with a twelve-year-old, sure, and then Gabriel kills me. I don’t see any problems here! Sign me up!”

And seriously, Eric Stoltz is creepy enough without watching him French kiss a child, okay? You can’t un-ring that bell.

2) I kid about Stigmata, but no joke, I think that movie is awesome, and here’s why.

“Lift a stone, and you will find me.”
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The TOC for Running with the Pack has been announced! Included is my story “Dire Wolf.”

Follow the link above for the full TOC, which is awesome and includes many people I like, coincidentally. I’m really excited for this one.

ETA: Edited to remove horrible pun in the subject line. You’re welcome.

So, I wrote up Legion for Fantasy Magazine.

You guys, this movie was dismal. It had everything it needed to be ridiculous, but took itself so seriously and was so free of anything over-the-top enough to be amusing that the people in my theatre, who started out talking back to the movie at full volume, were checking emails and talking to each other by the 45-minute mark. THEY IGNORED THEIR ELEVEN-DOLLAR MOVIE, THAT IS HOW BAD IT IS.

Also, I mention that I hope Paul Bettany was in this because he lost a bet. This is NO JOKE. I was MORTIFIED for him. And then I came home and figured out that he’s going to be in Priest later this year, directed by THE SAME GUY. HE LOST A TWO-MOVIE BET. (I refuse to let myself think otherwise, because if I imagined he read this script and said, “Man, I am so with you on this! Sign me up for this one, and another one that sounds remarkable similar!” I will have to send him a sharply-worded letter.)

Anyway, check out the whole thing and then rest easy knowing you are eleven dollars richer and considerably more sanguine for not having seen this movie.

Over at Tor.com today, I tackle the first wave of this year’s genre pilots coming out of pilot season, including something so awesome/hilarious I can’t even speak of it with a straight face: they’re making Push into a TV series.

On the surface? Smart. A small group of photogenic people running from a shady government and hooking up with a series of semi-famous guest stars has proven to be sustainable for at least four decent seasons.

However, this pilot has not been picked up by a network yet. I am wondering if maybe they aren’t sure how to handle the casting of some of the characters, since our underage heroine was a little underdressed, and that will get super-awkward every week at 9pm, you know?

ALSO THEY ARE MAKING HAWAII FIVE-O AGAIN. WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS.

Up at Fantasy Magazine, I talk about the implications of Avatar winning the Golden Globe. (Spoiler alert: the people who vote for these awards seem really susceptible to marketing.)

However, for purposes of the article, I operated under the assumption that these special effects will change the game in the way Cameron bragged they would, and thus might be employed to better effect in stories that don’t totally blow, and suggested two. One of them is a remake request that will come as no surprise to anyone who reads Questionable Taste Theatre, but I’m dead serious when I say: SOMEONE WHO IS NOT JAMES CAMERON IS WELCOME TO MAKE THAT. (That someone also should not be Michael Bay. Or M. Night. Or most people. Ugh, just give it to Peter Jackson.)

Anecdote! Cameron kept inviting other important directors to play with the equipment (hey-oooo) while he was in pre-production, ostensibly to share this important information but clearly to brag about how awesome he was and try to distract people from his screenplay. Those invited included Peter Jackson, which has to take some balls, considering that out of all the criticism of the Lord of the Rings movies, “shitty special effects” was really not one. Plus, Jackson knows how to do a subtle effect well, JAMES. (Bilbo lunging for the ring in Rivendell: never not creepy.)