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The Catherine Cookson Experience

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Moth”

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So, here’s the deal: Part of me always wanted to save the best Cookson for last. However, the moment comes in your life when you realize you are just never going to make it through A Dinner of Herbs, and if I waited for that to happen before I did The Moth, this entry would be dated sometime in 2017. So, let’s just end 2011 on a high note, with the very best Cookson of them all: The Moth! The Moth is actually where all this rigmarole got started in the first place: my friend Eileen, who knows from period pieces, brought The Moth over on a visit on a lark, thinking we’d watch it a little and then hang out and actually do something in New York. That was foolish, obviously, because as soon as we finished that one I was looking for the next one. Also, it turns out we accidentally started with the best one, which made the rest of the Catherine Cookson Experience sort of a slide downhill? Not that I… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Fifteen Streets”

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Welcome to another edition of the infrequent and grainy Catherine Cookson Experience, in which I try to explain why, in the mid-1990s, the BBC lost its marbles and decided to film as many of these low-budget potboilers as they possibly could before some enormous sky-clock ran out (which is as good an explanation as any for why these happened). Because there is a thin line between hilariously terrible and normal-terrible, many of these Cooksons are not as fun as others. There are those whose cheese is appealing (The Rag Nymph), and those that are genuinely enjoyable (The Wingless Bird). Then there are those that are, say, The Round Tower. Then there is The Fifteen Streets. This dismal, awkward screenshot pretty much sums up The Fifteen Streets, which ostensibly follows a family of dockworkers from East Tynside and their class and religious issues, but really there’s just a Protestant mystic and a fair and a bunch of iffy child actors and a posse of idle neighbors that is always crowing the frame and two leads who… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Wingless Bird”

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I fell off the wagon about these in a major way, didn’t I? And in the home stretch! Shame on me. For those who are new since my last one (welcome!), a bit about the Catherine Cookson Experience. Catherine Cookson, author of historical potboilers, enjoyed a magnificent heyday between about 1995 and 1997, in which the BBC went NUTS for her and filmed approximately eight hundred of her books in an attempt to employ every actor from Great Britain, Scotland, and Ireland it could get its hands on, and also to use up a lot of sawed-off basketballs they needed to use to simulate pregnancy. More than a year ago, in a fit of good judgment, I embarked on a quest to watch every Catherine Cookson movie ever filmed. As it turns out, that is very difficult, partly because there are so many of them, and partly because some of them are just the worst ever and involve a lot of asshole dads and/or men getting romantically interested in a girl he met when she… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Rag Nymph”

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Wow, that was kind of a long hiatus! (I made the last one in 1996, it looks like.) But I have my act together now, and the time has come for another Catherine Cookson Experience! Today’s is different from most of the others, because I genuinely love this one. It is a pulpy mess, and I enjoy every second of its cheesy glory. You will be able to tell this soon, but I thought I might as well warn you up front: this one is awesome, and I have the eight thousand photos to prove it! This is The Rag Nymph.     Vital Stats: Era: 1850s, looks like.Heroine: MillieSiblings that require looking-after: Well, initially Millie is the one who needs looking-after (when you were niiiiiiiine!).Illegitimate (Self or sibling): It’s like a Law and Order episode; it takes you almost until the end to find out, and by then you don’t even care.Asshole Father?: Oh, jeez. Every father in this thing is a total jerkbag.Romantic interest(s): Mr. Bingley, Paul Atreides. Tough call!Bairnsketballs: Nope.Fistfights: Somebody knifes a pimp.… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “The Gambling Man”

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Briefly, for newcomers: Catherine Cookson wrote some hysterically funny romance-y novels back in the day. For some reason, from about 1994 through 1998, the BBC went CRAZY for them and adapted about a hundred and eighty of them into miniseries. From time to time, I like to recap them, because they’re hilarious. You can find a primer here, or catch up with them here. This week, I run you through The Gambling Man, starring Robson Green. Here’s the thing, for those of you not familiar with British TV: of COURSE this is starring Robson Green. EVERYTHING stars Robson Green. British TV is purposely scheduled so that something with Robson Green in it is airing 24/7, in case aliens are monitoring broadcasts for someone who looks very serious and capable with whom they can make first contact. He got his own show about extreme fishing. If you investigate the history of England, there are cave paintings of Robson Green. Next year they’re putting him on the five-pound note. There’s no rhyme or reason to it; there’s… Read more »

The Catherine Cookson Experience: “Tilly Trotter”

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Welcome back to the Catherine Cookson Experience! This week we get to Tilly Trotter, in which the lead actress can actually act, the lead actor can actually act, and they have chemistry, which automatically makes this better than most Cooksons. Unfortunately, the entire first half is “Some guy assaults Tilly,” which is tedious and gets to the point where it seems more absurd than anything. We’ll get there. Tilly’s just thrilled about it. Vital Stats: Era: 18mumbletymumbleHeroine: Tilly TrotterSiblings that require looking-after: None, but she keeps inheriting families full of people who want to marry her.Illegitimate (Self or sibling): Nope!Asshole Father?: Nope, just the village rapist.Romantic interest(s): Farmer Simon, Lord Mark. She gets about 800 other proposals from interested parties, though.Bairnsketballs: Not one! Can you believe it?!Fistfights: Three…ish.Assaults: Oh lord, the first HOUR is just nothing but poorly-planned assault attempts. “I’ve told you before, if it’s down to you and the pig, I’ll take the pig!”… Read more »
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